This friend-of-a-cousin has yet to be identified by Minaj, so it seems that while his nads are enjoying their fifteen minutes of fame, he will remain anonymous himself. His story is a sad one, though. After getting a covid jab (which one is also anonymous) NMFC, as we will refer to this unfortunate soul, experienced testicular swelling and impotence, causing his fiancée to cancel their impending wedding.
In Minaj’s telling, this luckless Trinidadian lost both love and his boner on account of the vaccine. Now he has swollen balls of the blue variety, and those fat nuts dominate the Twittersphere.
Minaj urges her followers to “do their research,” before submitting themselves to the risk of ball-swelling and peen shrinkage that may be a side effect of the vaccine.
Minaj’s musical repertoire includes Bottom’s Up, Bang-Bang and Anaconda, which implies that she’s done her research into balls and dongs, and rather extensively at that. What she isn’t is a viral epidemiologist, and while many viral epidemiologists may softly rap the lyrics of Anaconda to themselves while they work, or even modify those lyrics to make them relevant to the lab, i.e., titrate that shit on me, baby, those people agree pretty unanimously that getting vaxxed doesn’t have gonadal side effects.
What does make your nads swell is a plain old STD like gonorrhea or chlamydia, and a known cause of chubby loss is your fiancée shrieking “Get that diseased thing out my face!”
Regarding this alternate theory on NMCF, Nicki is scheduled for a call from a White House doctor to patiently explain it to her, in hopes that she will recant and urge her followers to get vaccinated, and the Minister of Health for Trinidad had a major public hissy about how full of shit Minaj was.
And, speaking of people who are not qualified to do their own research, I can confidently report that after taking two experimental shots of Moderna, blindly following the advice of the CDC, the lovable ovals in my own trousers have experienced neither swelling, shrinking or hair loss.
Turns out that sheep have naturally big balls.