Is this the greatest clusterfuck of all time? It is a massive one, a great, moaning orgy of incompetence. It is a cluster of clusterfucks. A Star Clusterfuck. A circle jerk inside of a clusterfuck. A shuddering heap of aroused white men straining to ejaculate a new Speaker from their midst.
These are not just people clusterfucking. Goats, (Scalise) hogs, (Jordan) and even some reptiles (Gaetz) are involved. The bleating, grunting and slithering echoes through the halls of Congress, to no purpose. The barnyard mass of Republican chickens tries to blame the Democrats for their habit of pecking at each other. The anointed idol of the GOP, the Tangerine Drama Queen himself, is taking time out from clusterfucking his own criminal defense to pull off his golf pants and leap into this oily orgy of incompetence, by anointing favorites and nay-saying others who are tugging and grasping at the slippery pole of Speakerhood.
But is it the greatest clusterfuck of all time? Traditionally, military adventures, from Troy to Afghanistan, have produced clusterfucks that shone like supernovas. Capitalism has had its own trousers yanked down on many occasions, from the panics of the 19th century to the Depression of the last one to the bank failures of this one. Big, mindless, gape-jawed occasions of group stupidity have plagued humanity throughout its history.
So, this may not be the worst. But, again, it may, for these Congressfolk are not mindlessly bloodthirsty militarists or insanely greedy capitalists, although there may be a few of those among the Republican numbers. These people were elected to lead the country. True, most of them were elected in gerrymandered districts by people who think the country would be perfect if their neighbors weren’t allowed to be immigrants or get abortions, but they were elected to lead nonetheless, and probably not to do what they’re doing now, collapsing into a writhing mass of greasy, self-inflicted political sodomy, where the fucker becomes the fuckee in an eyeblink.
Nothing much we can do about it, though, except watch. I’m making nachos, if you want to come on over. Bring beer.