Even a casual observer would readily notice the difference between Redcoats, Nazis and space aliens attempting to destroy the planet in terms of actually existing in reality. There were Redcoats, and the colonial armies fought them. There were Nazis, and most of the nations of the world, including us, united to stomp them down. (Side note—Nazis are attempting a comeback here, and Cruz is counting on their votes the next time he makes one of his pathetic Presidential runs).
But the US beating hostile, powerful alien beings bent on seizing the planet is a movie. Quite a popular one, too, despite a couple plot holes big enough to drive a Chinese container ship through, one of the biggest of which was what was the aliens’ actual motivation? Did they want to steal Earth’s oceans so they could have surfing on their home world? Or did they want to probe us viciously for inventing Nickelback? Nobody ever knew.
It only happened on the big screen, though. Americans never put aside their political differences to unite against the space threat in reality. If it does happen, though, for sure don’t count on Ted Cruz to strap himself into a fighter jet and fly a suicide mission into the guts of an invading enormo-saucer like Randy Quaid did in the film. Hell, Ted runs away from the weather.
Ted’s not the biggest uniter in America, either, having voted to throw out the votes of millions of Americans because they didn’t break in favor of the man who called his wife ugly and his dad an assassin. He regularly accuses anyone who doesn’t favor tax breaks for the Texas energy industry of being a socialist, because patriotic people, like Ted himself, believe the government only exists to benefit Ted’s political donors.
No, the first thing Ted would say is that the aliens were encouraged to pulverize our planet into gravel by Joe Biden’s weak stance on immigration. Then he would accuse AOC of communism by offering to give the aliens EBT cards, even though she would propose that we do so only in an effort to keep them from eating us.
Then Ted’s face would twitch in horror. He would convulsively gulp his last sip of pina colada, and he would say, “Fuck—are they invading Cancun, too?”