And they’re not convinced that it’s because Republicans like to exercise their “freedom” by wheezing all over each other, while Democrats don’t get it because they wear masks, wash their hands and are on Zoom even more than they are on Pornhub.
Rush “Cancer Boy” Limbaugh, insists he “doesn’t believe in coincidences,” and openly questions if someone is deliberately infecting Republicans, probably either Nancy Pelosi or China, possibly by means of an infected swab, although if you’ve been swabbed, you realize that, while Infected Swab might be a nice name for a nihilist punk band, it would be pretty tough to infect a swab in real life, especially with the Secret Service watching.
It also assumes that Nancy Pelosi keeps a brimming cup of coronavirus in her kitchen cabinet, right next to her instant coffee and cans of Progresso, and has a secretive means of doling it out to the Senate Judiciary Committee, which she doesn’t belong to, without her or her army of baby-killing minions contracting it themselves. If you think instead that Republicans are just giving it to each other because there’s nothing the Super-Spreader-in-Chief likes more than a good spittle-fest, you’re just another consumer of fake media lies.
Over here, though, we keep Occam’s Razor sharp, and can announce without a shadow of a doubt the root cause of the Republican plague and the exact reason a black fly got its feet stuck in Mike Pence’s styling gel for two minutes during the Veep debate.
It’s pretty obvious the Orange Gasper got his case of the ‘rona from pawing on Hope Hicks, because she is an attractive woman and he is a documented sex pig. He’s been working on getting into her panties, or actually getting into them, since he first laid eyes on her.
And those panties were probably made in China. There’s your proof of Chinese involvement.
Also, the fly on Pence’s head was the reincarnated soul of Herman Cain.
The truth is out there. And if you don’t believe me, you just can’t handle it.