Even as his lead in the polls slips away, the Bellowing Felon is still convinced that, come January, he’s going to be restored to the position of Caucasian-in-Chief. With that in mind, he’s ruminating about his future Cabinet, and muttering about people that could fill it. Unsurprisingly, he’s thinking about people who could swing him a few extra votes.
Kennedy Jr., who is about to quit his candidacy for the White House, is endorsing Trump, although why the Mango Miscreant would want his voters is a mystery, since they don’t exist. Whatever chance Kennedy had to influence the election vanished once he confessed to dumping a dead bear in Manhattan’s Central Park.
Voters have problems, and they want politicians who can relate to these problems, but very few of them have had to come to grips with a need to offload a dead ursine in a public place. Most people who kill bears have definite plans for the corpse, generally involving rugs, dinner or making really macho jewelry out of the claws. Nobody before Kennedy said, “You know, this bear corpse is getting kind of extra. Let’s dump it in a ravine in the middle of America’s largest city. Then it won’t still be in the back of the limo when we show up to chaperone at that debutante ball.”
I’m not sure that’s an exact quote. For all I know, he could have said “My brain worm told me to do it.”
There are probably several dozen men, mostly poachers in Alaska, who said, “Yes, yes. I feel you, dude,” when Kennedy confessed to concealing a dead animal, but their votes aren’t going to swing any election.
Kennedy may be angling for a Cabinet position in return for his endorsement, and that position would be Secretary of Health, so he could fire all those scientists at the Center for Disease Control, and replace them with his friends who have gotten rich in multi-level marketing schemes involving essential oils.
Then Trump’s fancy turned lightly to thoughts of Elon Musk, the only person in America who is more dyed-in-the-wool detested by greater numbers of citizens than the Cantaloupe Convict himself. Elon is gunning to be head of NASA, so he can write himself a check directly every time one of his huge rockets blows up and scatters hot metal all over southern Texas.
They’ll fit in the Situation Room nicely with Senator Maybelline, who can’t order lunch, apparently, without pissing people off, insulting a reputable deli in Wisconsin’s menu and asking for Swiss cheese instead of whiz on his cheesesteak from Pat’s in South Philly.
As a well-traveled native Philadelphian, I can tell you that people in Wisconsin are nice, but people in South Philly are not. There are only two ways to order a steak at Pat’s. “Cheese with,” and “Cheese, no,” the second word referring to fried onions. “If ya want Swiss, go to Subway, ya yackoff,” is the tried-and-true answer at Pat’s to anybody who wishes his cheesesteak modified in any other way, and I hope the Senator was instructed to do so in that manner.
Also, South Philadelphians would be deeply skeptical that there is any such thing as a good deli in Wisconsin, but that is another argument.
The Orange Offender himself, not to be outdone by his underlings in the department of thoughtless behavior, compared the recipients of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which was given to distinguished Americans for a lifetime of civilian achievements, before Trump started giving it to his campaign donors and Rush Limbaugh, with the Congressional Medal of Honor, awarded by an act of Congress for heroism in combat. Trump favored the Presidential medal, saying the Congressional honor was bestowed on people who offended him by being “all bullety and shit.”
Or something like that.
Kennedy Jr., who is about to quit his candidacy for the White House, is endorsing Trump, although why the Mango Miscreant would want his voters is a mystery, since they don’t exist. Whatever chance Kennedy had to influence the election vanished once he confessed to dumping a dead bear in Manhattan’s Central Park.
Voters have problems, and they want politicians who can relate to these problems, but very few of them have had to come to grips with a need to offload a dead ursine in a public place. Most people who kill bears have definite plans for the corpse, generally involving rugs, dinner or making really macho jewelry out of the claws. Nobody before Kennedy said, “You know, this bear corpse is getting kind of extra. Let’s dump it in a ravine in the middle of America’s largest city. Then it won’t still be in the back of the limo when we show up to chaperone at that debutante ball.”
I’m not sure that’s an exact quote. For all I know, he could have said “My brain worm told me to do it.”
There are probably several dozen men, mostly poachers in Alaska, who said, “Yes, yes. I feel you, dude,” when Kennedy confessed to concealing a dead animal, but their votes aren’t going to swing any election.
Kennedy may be angling for a Cabinet position in return for his endorsement, and that position would be Secretary of Health, so he could fire all those scientists at the Center for Disease Control, and replace them with his friends who have gotten rich in multi-level marketing schemes involving essential oils.
Then Trump’s fancy turned lightly to thoughts of Elon Musk, the only person in America who is more dyed-in-the-wool detested by greater numbers of citizens than the Cantaloupe Convict himself. Elon is gunning to be head of NASA, so he can write himself a check directly every time one of his huge rockets blows up and scatters hot metal all over southern Texas.
They’ll fit in the Situation Room nicely with Senator Maybelline, who can’t order lunch, apparently, without pissing people off, insulting a reputable deli in Wisconsin’s menu and asking for Swiss cheese instead of whiz on his cheesesteak from Pat’s in South Philly.
As a well-traveled native Philadelphian, I can tell you that people in Wisconsin are nice, but people in South Philly are not. There are only two ways to order a steak at Pat’s. “Cheese with,” and “Cheese, no,” the second word referring to fried onions. “If ya want Swiss, go to Subway, ya yackoff,” is the tried-and-true answer at Pat’s to anybody who wishes his cheesesteak modified in any other way, and I hope the Senator was instructed to do so in that manner.
Also, South Philadelphians would be deeply skeptical that there is any such thing as a good deli in Wisconsin, but that is another argument.
The Orange Offender himself, not to be outdone by his underlings in the department of thoughtless behavior, compared the recipients of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which was given to distinguished Americans for a lifetime of civilian achievements, before Trump started giving it to his campaign donors and Rush Limbaugh, with the Congressional Medal of Honor, awarded by an act of Congress for heroism in combat. Trump favored the Presidential medal, saying the Congressional honor was bestowed on people who offended him by being “all bullety and shit.”
Or something like that.
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