In the collection of cringe that is the Senatorial campaign of former football star Herschel Walker another noteworthy nugget of knuckleheadery dropped this past week. Apparently, another woman whom the erstwhile running back had begged to abort his child had recorded some of his horny yowlings on tape during their affair, the most notable of which was Herschel murmuring on her voicemail, “Ah you, this is your stud farm calling, you big sex puppy, you.”
No one can say for sure this is the worst pickup line ever uttered in English, but the women of America certainly don’t want to hear any attempts to compete with it. The state of Georgia’s favorite pickup line, i.e., “Git in the truck,” is the soul of grace and humor compared to this awkwardly mixed metaphor about dog breeding.
It was enough to make me wonder whether other, more senior Republicans had their own favorite lines they used when they went a-courtin.’ I asked my sources and it turned out that, indeed, Republicans have their own special vocabulary of love. Here’s just a few examples:
“I’m your turtle and you’re my dove, baby. You make my carapace hard.” Mitch McConnell
“I know skinny, cowardly little traitors turn dirty girls like you on. Catch me if you can.” Josh Hawley
“The Republican Party has a new big reptile, baby. Come sun with me on the Florida rock of my love.” Ron DeSantis
“I’m horny, you’re horny. The guy who dropped you off at the gym—do you think he’s horny, too?” Marjorie Taylor Greene
Just call out “Hunter! Hunter!” when we’re making love, baby. That’s what makes me hard.” Kevin McCarthy
“Mommy, not while Jesus is looking.” Mike Pence
“Come on, cowboy, stuff my ballot-box like you were a Democrat.” Kari Lake
“Wear this wig and call me Daddy, and you can make it great again.” The Mango Mussolini
“Ah you, this is your stud farm calling, you big sex puppy, you.” Lindsey Graham
No one can say for sure this is the worst pickup line ever uttered in English, but the women of America certainly don’t want to hear any attempts to compete with it. The state of Georgia’s favorite pickup line, i.e., “Git in the truck,” is the soul of grace and humor compared to this awkwardly mixed metaphor about dog breeding.
It was enough to make me wonder whether other, more senior Republicans had their own favorite lines they used when they went a-courtin.’ I asked my sources and it turned out that, indeed, Republicans have their own special vocabulary of love. Here’s just a few examples:
“I’m your turtle and you’re my dove, baby. You make my carapace hard.” Mitch McConnell
“I know skinny, cowardly little traitors turn dirty girls like you on. Catch me if you can.” Josh Hawley
“The Republican Party has a new big reptile, baby. Come sun with me on the Florida rock of my love.” Ron DeSantis
“I’m horny, you’re horny. The guy who dropped you off at the gym—do you think he’s horny, too?” Marjorie Taylor Greene
Just call out “Hunter! Hunter!” when we’re making love, baby. That’s what makes me hard.” Kevin McCarthy
“Mommy, not while Jesus is looking.” Mike Pence
“Come on, cowboy, stuff my ballot-box like you were a Democrat.” Kari Lake
“Wear this wig and call me Daddy, and you can make it great again.” The Mango Mussolini
“Ah you, this is your stud farm calling, you big sex puppy, you.” Lindsey Graham
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