An uptick in religious belief is spreading across the land and theistic thinkers are giving credit to Donald Trump.
“The guy is a Godsend!” exclaimed Monsignor Aloysius Boigraspier, noted Catholic writer and author of the series Who is God? Who is Jesus? Who is Mary? and Who is Putting My Photo Collection on the Internet?
“I mean, it’s a stretch to get people to believe much of what’s in the Bible—Noah, the plagues of Egypt, Jesus and Satan having a chin-wag in the wilderness—but it’s a whole lot easier to believe that stuff after you’ve listened to Trump for an hour or so. People who think that immigrants with jobs and access to grocery stores and fast-food restaurants are eating your pets instead are certainly more amenable to believing in the loaves and the fishes. People that think that high school guidance counselors, instead of just pointing out what community colleges are available for your child to flunk out of, are doing sex-reassignment surgery during lunch period are all in on the Virgin Birth. Pro-Trump voters in North Carolina actually watched FEMA trucks unloading relief supplies but believed Trump when he told them that wasn’t happening. If you’re looking for an audience that will believe a guy rose from the dead after three days, certainly you’ve found it there.
“Trump's buddy, RFK, Jr., tied a dead whale’s head to the roof of a station wagon full of his kids. It’s kind of a reverse Jonah, but it certainly makes the Bible story more real and compelling to people of faith.
“And a guy who called all Puerto Ricans garbage and all Mexicans rapists certainly paves the way for Christians to believe in killing all first-borns sons and everybody in Jericho was not just done out of an All-Powerful Hissy Fit. Some people are just not as good as us. This is God’s message, as well as Trump’s.
“But, most importantly, we theologians want people to believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us. And it's a lot easier to sell that to somebody who thinks that Trump has a plan for anything.”
“The guy is a Godsend!” exclaimed Monsignor Aloysius Boigraspier, noted Catholic writer and author of the series Who is God? Who is Jesus? Who is Mary? and Who is Putting My Photo Collection on the Internet?
“I mean, it’s a stretch to get people to believe much of what’s in the Bible—Noah, the plagues of Egypt, Jesus and Satan having a chin-wag in the wilderness—but it’s a whole lot easier to believe that stuff after you’ve listened to Trump for an hour or so. People who think that immigrants with jobs and access to grocery stores and fast-food restaurants are eating your pets instead are certainly more amenable to believing in the loaves and the fishes. People that think that high school guidance counselors, instead of just pointing out what community colleges are available for your child to flunk out of, are doing sex-reassignment surgery during lunch period are all in on the Virgin Birth. Pro-Trump voters in North Carolina actually watched FEMA trucks unloading relief supplies but believed Trump when he told them that wasn’t happening. If you’re looking for an audience that will believe a guy rose from the dead after three days, certainly you’ve found it there.
“Trump's buddy, RFK, Jr., tied a dead whale’s head to the roof of a station wagon full of his kids. It’s kind of a reverse Jonah, but it certainly makes the Bible story more real and compelling to people of faith.
“And a guy who called all Puerto Ricans garbage and all Mexicans rapists certainly paves the way for Christians to believe in killing all first-borns sons and everybody in Jericho was not just done out of an All-Powerful Hissy Fit. Some people are just not as good as us. This is God’s message, as well as Trump’s.
“But, most importantly, we theologians want people to believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us. And it's a lot easier to sell that to somebody who thinks that Trump has a plan for anything.”
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