Previously Hollywood had disdained the impending Administration, as evinced by Meryl Streep’s critical comments concerning Trump while she accepted yet another award at yet another awards show the other night. Many in Hollywood have said, publically and privately, that almost any out-of-work actor, “even Nick Cage,” or possibly “one of Pitt and Jolie’s frigging adopted Cambodian orphans” would make a better President than Trump. Now Streep is the first to volunteer to help Trump feel more comfortable in the White House by offering to urinate between his sheets if that would help Trump unwind after a long day steering the ship of state.
“I’ll do it as my serene, eloquent self or, if the President wishes, I’ll use my world-class acting talent to play a coked-out Eastern European prostitute whose inevitable fate is to executed by the GRU as soon as the President gets his rocks off. I’ll even bring my own wine, to make the performance linger,” said Streep.
Not to be outdone, sultry songstress, icon of bootyliciousness and Grammy award winner Beyoncé chimed in, “Hell yes, where do I sign up for that? I’ll even get outside of a 24-cube of PBR beforehand. It’ll be a show the dude will never forget.”
Snotty hottie Taylor Swift also let it be known she would be available to micturate in the Presidential bedchamber, but only if she could urinate on Trump’s person. “I’ll even sing Shake It Off while I'm tinkling on him,” she said eagerly.
As of this writing, no one from Trump’s team has responded to requests for comment.