Although the dismissed principal was not given the reason for her canning, she stated it was because one parent had complained that the nude sculpture, long considered one of the world’s greatest works of art, was “pornography.” Another parent complained that she wasn’t “warned” that her precious child would be “exposed” to David, although she was not clear what she would have done to prepare her little Bobby Jim Bob Jimmy for his first glimpse into the art world if she had been forewarned.
Certainly, by the sixth grade, all these future GED holders had been familiarized with the concept of penises, if not by their Uncle Sticky in the tool shed, then just by life in Florida in general. Florida is the Penis State, not only because it is geographically shaped like a limp dingus, but because Floridians in general are preoccupied with their sun-washed dicks. Run a search for Florida Man Penis. I did. My favorite was “Florida Man with Drugs Around Penis Denies They Were His,” but there are many, many more to choose from. Penises flounce around Florida like they own they place. I’m surprised torpid ones don’t fall out of trees like frozen iguanas in the winter.
So, all these sixth graders know wang already. Showing them a picture of Michelangelo’s David is not likely to affect their attitudes towards male genitalia. Some of the boys are going to think to themselves, “At least mine is bigger than that,” while other, luckier boys are thinking,” I got a hog compared to that dude.”
At least one is saying to himself, “Bro, you could hardly wrap any drugs at all around that thing.”
All the girls are thinking, “Gross. He’s even whiter than Elon Musk.”
Anyway, it’s all over now. The chief of the school board gave Ms. Carrasaquilla the choice of resigning or getting fired. She’s sending out resumes as I type this.
All this is going on in Tallahassee, which happens to be the home of Meatball Ron DeSantis, at least until his ambitions for the White House are realized. No doubt the school board was feeling the Governor’s hot, slightly parmesan-scented breath down the back of their necks when they decided they had not choice but to give Principal Carrasaquilla the heave-ho.
Because you know how touchy the Meatball is, especially about sex, transgenders, drag queens and Mickey Mouse. If Michelangelo had decided to name his statue “Small Dick Energy,” Carrasaquilla might still have a job.