Magnet Man, the All-Powerful Attractor, has thrown down the gauntlet to former ally Space Laser Lady over the Felonious Files of super villain Dead Jeffrey, former master of Girls Who Ought to be Babysitting Instead Island.
Other heroes of the Justice for Us League are said to be uniting behind Magnet Man. The heir apparent to the throne of Justice for Us, often abbreviated as Just Us, Vance Whom the Furniture Fears, sometimes called the Beardo, is steadfast in his support of Magnet Man. Bannon the Bold, also known as Crust Man, dismisses the defection of Space Laser Lady as inconsequential. “Third Termer vs Horse Dewormer,” he says scornfully of the conflict, and Bobby Brain Wormer agrees. So does Patel, the Cross-Eyed Seer.
The powerful super females of Just Us agree as well. ICE Kristal and Pam the Indicter are both sure that Space Laser Lady was merely jealous of their looks and the fact that, unlike both of them, Magnet Man had never tried to slide his powerful Digit underneath Space Laser Lady’s disguise.
Some are staying above the fray. Elon the Magic Martian, being somewhat estranged from the Magnet Man himself, is said to be staying hidden at his Fortress of Kleptitude, keeping his first trillion dollars warm. Boebert, the Wicked Skank of the West, is said to have a firm grip on any developments, as usual.
The falling-out has only emboldened the other super-hero alliance, The DEI Rangers. Despite losing its nominal queen, Pelosi the Aged, the Rangers are nonetheless moving in. Schumer the Waffler also seems ready to give way to a new coalition of younger powers, led by Peter the Gay Dad and Shapiro the Swing Stater. Zohran the Sultan of Mamdani and the AOC the Socialist Sweet Thing are standing by in the left wing.
But willing to go toe-to-toe with Magnet Man is Sir Gavin of the Good Hair. Radiating rizz from every product-dolloped follicle, the crafty Californian has moved up the sidekick ranks to dominate the ranks of the opposition. His matchup against the Beardo as the decade draws to a close seems all but assured.
Look for the next issue at a newsstand near you.
Other heroes of the Justice for Us League are said to be uniting behind Magnet Man. The heir apparent to the throne of Justice for Us, often abbreviated as Just Us, Vance Whom the Furniture Fears, sometimes called the Beardo, is steadfast in his support of Magnet Man. Bannon the Bold, also known as Crust Man, dismisses the defection of Space Laser Lady as inconsequential. “Third Termer vs Horse Dewormer,” he says scornfully of the conflict, and Bobby Brain Wormer agrees. So does Patel, the Cross-Eyed Seer.
The powerful super females of Just Us agree as well. ICE Kristal and Pam the Indicter are both sure that Space Laser Lady was merely jealous of their looks and the fact that, unlike both of them, Magnet Man had never tried to slide his powerful Digit underneath Space Laser Lady’s disguise.
Some are staying above the fray. Elon the Magic Martian, being somewhat estranged from the Magnet Man himself, is said to be staying hidden at his Fortress of Kleptitude, keeping his first trillion dollars warm. Boebert, the Wicked Skank of the West, is said to have a firm grip on any developments, as usual.
The falling-out has only emboldened the other super-hero alliance, The DEI Rangers. Despite losing its nominal queen, Pelosi the Aged, the Rangers are nonetheless moving in. Schumer the Waffler also seems ready to give way to a new coalition of younger powers, led by Peter the Gay Dad and Shapiro the Swing Stater. Zohran the Sultan of Mamdani and the AOC the Socialist Sweet Thing are standing by in the left wing.
But willing to go toe-to-toe with Magnet Man is Sir Gavin of the Good Hair. Radiating rizz from every product-dolloped follicle, the crafty Californian has moved up the sidekick ranks to dominate the ranks of the opposition. His matchup against the Beardo as the decade draws to a close seems all but assured.
Look for the next issue at a newsstand near you.
RSS Feed
