“All printed materials, video discs and paraphernalia featuring the Dallas Cowboys will be removed from public school libraries in Texas forthwith,” said the announcement by the governor’s office. “We cannot afford for the schoolchildren of Texas to be emotionally harmed by learning of the actions of some of their ancestors, particularly the coaches, general managers and players of the Cowboys since 1995.
“Children do not need to be humiliated, or to be made to feel inadequate or guilty by learning of misdeeds perpetrated in the past that they had nothing to do with. No child now in our school systems ever gave Tony Romo a contract extension, and there is no need for them to be shamed for living in the same state as the people that did.
“Parenting is a tough job, and there’s no need for the state to make it tougher by teaching Dallas Cowboy-critical theory in our public schools. Hard-working moms and dads do not need to be vexed by their children asking them, “Why can’t we move to Kansas City? Or Green Bay?”
“From now on, Texas public schools will only teach the proud moments of Texas sporting history. Remember the Alamo! Hook ‘em Horns! Beat ‘em Spurs! Cheat ‘em, Astros!
“Maybe not that last one, either.”