Not so fast, says Francis The Pope got himself in hot water instead of holy water over the weekend when he used a derogatory term for gay men at a meeting of bishops.
Francis apologized later. “The Communion wine was flowing. It was just locker-room talk,” he said. Of course, he said it in Latin. *
A lot of people were surprised that the kindly old Pope, who had previously welcomed gays and atheists into Heaven, harbored this streak of homophobia in his soul. No one was more surprised than the anonymous gay bishop who ratted him out to the press, is the guess here.
The Pope was complaining about the rising number of gay men in Italy’s seminaries, training for future work as God’s anointed. The word he used was the Italian frociaggine, which translates into the English insult “way too faggoty.”
The Pope, apparently prefers muscular young studs with nary a gay thought in their heads for future Mass-sayers and Communion-givers. Manly men who don’t mind washing the feet of other men and who can swing a censer like they were throwing a fastball. Men who keep a copy of Field and Stream next to their breviaries. Men who would make gay men weak with lust.
These are the kind of dudes the Pope gets off on. Which makes you wonder. But, let me make it clear, I’m not saying the Pope is gay. Although the one before him certainly was.
The Pope, at 87, has been around the block. Surely, he knows that the Church has a long history of putting gay men in vestments. In the Irish-American Catholic tradition I was compressed into as a youth, it was considered a necessity. If you had eleven kids, as many families at the time did, with a preponderance of males, you were almost obligated to give one up to the priesthood, and, usually, it was obvious which one.
This worked out perfectly for centuries, especially before pedophilia was invented. Catholic wives were left unmolested by the representatives of Christ on Earth, while Catholic husbands could snicker at them behind their backs when they played golf together.
But this Pope’s mission has been to scrape the barnacles off the Church of the past two millennia and get it turned around so that people will jump on the Catholic vessel instead of jumping off of it. He has abandoned the traditional Catholic theology of the afterlife, which was that all non-Catholics went to Hell, along with 90%, at least, of all Catholics. This Pope has virtually cancelled Hell. He has said nice things about almost all other religions, even the Jewish one, which the Church used to burn you at the stake for following.
So, it was a surprise when the Pope blurted out his preference for brawling heterosexual men to take vows of celibacy and cram themselves into seminaries to minister to Catholic flocks. He may regret this wish if it is granted. Camouflage cassocks may become the rage, so that the new priests can go directly from hunting blinds to preside over morning Mass, and many parishes will install big-screen TVs tuned to ESPN amid the baptismal founts and statues of the saints.
With the volume turned down, of course. But at least the faithful will be able to follow the scores.
*“Vinum communio fluit. Sicut erat in CAPSA Disputatio. "**
**This is the best Google translate could do. I’m not sure the ancient Romans even had locker rooms.
Francis apologized later. “The Communion wine was flowing. It was just locker-room talk,” he said. Of course, he said it in Latin. *
A lot of people were surprised that the kindly old Pope, who had previously welcomed gays and atheists into Heaven, harbored this streak of homophobia in his soul. No one was more surprised than the anonymous gay bishop who ratted him out to the press, is the guess here.
The Pope was complaining about the rising number of gay men in Italy’s seminaries, training for future work as God’s anointed. The word he used was the Italian frociaggine, which translates into the English insult “way too faggoty.”
The Pope, apparently prefers muscular young studs with nary a gay thought in their heads for future Mass-sayers and Communion-givers. Manly men who don’t mind washing the feet of other men and who can swing a censer like they were throwing a fastball. Men who keep a copy of Field and Stream next to their breviaries. Men who would make gay men weak with lust.
These are the kind of dudes the Pope gets off on. Which makes you wonder. But, let me make it clear, I’m not saying the Pope is gay. Although the one before him certainly was.
The Pope, at 87, has been around the block. Surely, he knows that the Church has a long history of putting gay men in vestments. In the Irish-American Catholic tradition I was compressed into as a youth, it was considered a necessity. If you had eleven kids, as many families at the time did, with a preponderance of males, you were almost obligated to give one up to the priesthood, and, usually, it was obvious which one.
This worked out perfectly for centuries, especially before pedophilia was invented. Catholic wives were left unmolested by the representatives of Christ on Earth, while Catholic husbands could snicker at them behind their backs when they played golf together.
But this Pope’s mission has been to scrape the barnacles off the Church of the past two millennia and get it turned around so that people will jump on the Catholic vessel instead of jumping off of it. He has abandoned the traditional Catholic theology of the afterlife, which was that all non-Catholics went to Hell, along with 90%, at least, of all Catholics. This Pope has virtually cancelled Hell. He has said nice things about almost all other religions, even the Jewish one, which the Church used to burn you at the stake for following.
So, it was a surprise when the Pope blurted out his preference for brawling heterosexual men to take vows of celibacy and cram themselves into seminaries to minister to Catholic flocks. He may regret this wish if it is granted. Camouflage cassocks may become the rage, so that the new priests can go directly from hunting blinds to preside over morning Mass, and many parishes will install big-screen TVs tuned to ESPN amid the baptismal founts and statues of the saints.
With the volume turned down, of course. But at least the faithful will be able to follow the scores.
*“Vinum communio fluit. Sicut erat in CAPSA Disputatio. "**
**This is the best Google translate could do. I’m not sure the ancient Romans even had locker rooms.
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