"As Mitt himself said, we need to get to 50.1% of the vote. That's tough, considering the irresponsible claim that Democrats usually make—that the American government is supposed to be beneficial for the American people. So Mitt has to accept the support of voters who believe a government that works for the general good would be a terrible mistake. This includes people with beliefs that the Governor doesn't necessarily share."
Like Obama being a Muslim?
"Good example. A third of Republican voters believe that. We ain't going anywhere without them. Even if Obama changed his middle name from Hussein to Harold and went Bible-thumping every day of the week, millions of God-fearing, Romney-voting yick-a-doos will continue to believe he's secretly a Muslim. Mitt's not about to ruin his chance for the White House by telling them they're wrong."
What about the woman who called Obama a traitor at a Romney event? Romney didn't disagree with her. John McCain did, when a similar incident occurred in 2008.
"McCain lost, you might remember. Telling people you don't agree with their slanderous remarks about a sitting President would be being honest and courageous, qualities Mitt believes Americans don't want in a President. He's happy to say they are qualities he doesn't have."
Romney's strong anti-immigrant stance implies that we're going to be able someday to deport 11 million people for entering the US illegally. Is he ever going to have the guts to tell people that's impossible?
"Let me answer in Spanish—No way, Jose."
What about this Republican, who claims that Obama is the real leader of Al Qaeda?
"Really? Somebody said that?"
Yes. Is Romney going to disavow that?
"So probably he's thinking that Obama killed Bin Laden not to avenge the 9-11 attack, or because he was an international mass murderer or a sworn enemy of the United States but because Obama wanted his job?"
I don't think he said exactly that.
"Well, let's push him, man! That's one of the problems Mitt has, voters thinking it was pretty cool when Bin Laden got smoked. If we can get them to think that it was just a power play by Obama to be Al Qaeda's CEO those are votes we can count on!"
So Romney's not going to say that's bonk-ass loony nonsense?
"I'm getting another call. This guy with the Al Qaeda angle…you got his email or something?