Sadly, neither proved correct. Jesus was a no-show and so was His equally evanescent pal, the earth-ending planet Nibiru. Personally, I love Nibiru and wish that deadly hunk of space junk would show itself, instead of doing what it is probably doing, hanging out in a parallel dimension, drinking and shooting pool with its fellow death planets, because getting smushed by another planetary object would actually mean the end of the world. Most prophets are merely talking about the end of humanity when they describe the Apocalypse—only Niburu promises the end of the actual planet, by whapping it into asteroid-sized bits.
A Google search for “End of the world 2019” was nearly barren, with only “author” David Montaigne recycling the Mayan prediction, post-dating to this year and mixing it generously with Biblical sources, astrology and a magnetic pole shift to forward the date of dissolution to December 28th, 2019, which was two days ago. Pretty disappointing. It’s authors like you, Dave, that give the rest of us authors a bad name. I blame people like you for the fact that when I walk into a liquor store or a tackle shop and ask for the "author’s discount," I just get blank stares.
The only other person of note that Google found at all was blind Bulgarian seer Baba Vanga, who died in 1996. According to her legend, at the age of 6, an angel appeared to the future sightless prophetess, and offered her the choice between regular vision and clairvoyance. The young girl chose the power of prophecy, showing the strength of her character, because most six-year-olds suffer excruciating angst when merely being asked to choose where they want to eat their next order of chicken nuggets.
Baba, whose resume is said to include predicting Brexit, the 2004 Thailand tsunami, the 9/11 terror attack and the sinking of the Russian submarine Kursk in the year 2000, actually has some comforting predictions for next year. She predicted Donald Trump would suffer from an illness that will give him brain trauma, inability to hear well and tinnitus.
Of course, very few of his critics give Trump much credit for brainwork in the first place, and the salmon shitbird is notorious for his inability to hear anyone who is not engaged in actively kissing his ass.
As far as tinnitus goes, we know Trump doesn’t have it yet, because he hasn’t attacked it on Twitter. Hopefully, he’ll get the most serious kind, which consists of an imaginary Speaker of the House constantly banging a gavel in his ear.
Baba said he’ll get laid low by medical problems. In the best-case scenario, this will happens before his shitshow of a trial starts in the Senate, which would make Democrats and Republicans equally grateful for the chance to call it off. Mike Pence will become the Acting President, which would make him grateful, and also the target of every other Republican who wants to be the 2020 nominee for President, which is just about all of them, plus Trump, whose backers are not about to stop running him for President just because he’s in a coma. They’ll wheel him out for rallies, let him drool something about the Wall, pray en masse for his recovery, and blame the media for his vegetable state.
The Republican Convention will be an astonishing clusterfuck which will make the astonishing clusterfucks of the previous four years pale in comparison.
That’s my prediction for 2020, thanks to Baba. Baba did make a prediction for the end of the world, too, but she was a nice lady, and gave us until 5079.
Talk about taking the pressure off.