Alexander Lukashenko. the President of Belarus, (National Slogan: "The Biggest European Country You've Never Heard Of" recently was called out by German Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle, who is gay, for being Europe's last remaining dictator. In response, Lukashenko shot back "I'd rather be a dictator than be gay."
But would he really? The following chart represents the best scientific effort to date to contrast the dictator lifestyle with the gay lifestyle.
But would he really? The following chart represents the best scientific effort to date to contrast the dictator lifestyle with the gay lifestyle.
 DICTATOR: Posh wardrobe includes pillbox hats, gilded caftans DICTATOR: Has to "come out" to parents by saying "Mom, Dad...I'm a dictator." DICTATOR: Indicted by World Court in the Hague. DICTATOR: Lavish dwelling paid for by enslaved population. DICTATOR: Has secret police force. DICTATOR: Can call anyone he wants to "comrade." DICTATOR: Fearful temper tantrums. DICTATOR: Can name child to succeed him and everyone says "It figures." DICTATOR: Can make honey badger national symbol. DICTATOR: A hundred pairs of jackboots! DICTATOR: Can fix elections. DICTATOR: Parodied insultingly in movie featuring Sasha Baron Cohen. | Dictator Gay ADVANTAGE--GAY ADVANTAGE--EVEN (In both cases, parents probably already knew) ADVANTAGE--GAY ADVANTAGE--EVEN ADVANTAGE--DICTATOR ADVANTAGE--EVEN ADVANTAGE--EVEN ADVANTAGE--DICTATOR ADVANTAGE--GAY ADVANTAGE--EVEN ADVANTAGE--DICTATOR ADVANTAGE--EVEN |  GAY: Posh wardrobe includes pillbox hats, gilded caftans plus a closet floor full of heels, bitches. GAY: Has to "come out" to parents by saying "Mom, Dad...I'm gay." GAY: Sued by anal ex-landlord in Tribeca. GAY: Lavish dwelling paid for by closeted boyfriend. GAY: Knows one policeman's biggest secret. GAY: Can call anyone he wants to "girlfriend." GAY: Blood-curdling hissy fits. GAY: Can name child anything he wants--Pooh, Caligula, Mace--and everyone says "It figures." GAY: Can make YouTube video about honey badger and get millions of hits. GAY: A hundred pairs of deck shoes! GAY: Can fix a mean mojito. GAY: Ditto |
A lot closer than you thought it would be, right? So would you rather control your own fetid swamp in the center of Europe and be hated by all, or would you rather soak in the glamour of a major metro area and only be hated by right-wing yick-a-doos and the shameless politicians that want their votes? Your choice!
Kidding about the choice part. Some people are just born to be dictators.
Kidding about the choice part. Some people are just born to be dictators.
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