The first concerns a brand new driverless shuttle in Las Vegas that got hit by a delivery truck on its first day of shuttling.
While carrying passengers, the shuttle was backed into by a delivery truck. Although the shuttle sensed the approach of the truck, its response was to shut down and let its fenders be bendered, instead of stomping on the gas and peeling out of harm’s way.
This is because artificial intelligence is no match for the human mind when it comes to rapid reaction. Consider this, a typical train of human thought while engaged in the task of negotiating Southern California’s treacherous freeways:
“…boss had a bad cough yesterday, hope he calls in sick today…was that a Lamborghini?... check that billboard, lottery up to 115 mil, gotta buy a ticket…step on it, you friggin’ idiot, you got a thousand feet of empty road in front of you…wonder if that girl I had sex with back in junior college still lives off that exit?…BRAKE LIGHTS HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Then you hit the brake pedal hard enough to kill all the microbes innocently resting there and avoid driving your car underneath a moving van.
No artificial intelligence, no matter how sophisticated its sensors, will ever be able to understand driving-related concepts like “holy fucking shit.” A machine will never be able to figure out how the principles of sacredness, intercourse and feces are related. Just thinking about it will reduce any AI into a pile of babbling microchips, whereas the human brain immediately grasps the necessity of praying to sex and poo before whamming one’s Nikes on the brakes.
Sure, driverless cars will never drive while distracted, drinking, sleep deprived or getting their genitals orally pleasured from a passenger, all of which human drivers do. But a human will never just freeze and let someone back into them.
Here in sunny California, we’d shoot them first.
Which brings us to our second headline, “Man Accidentally Shoots Self, Wife During Gun Safety Discussion.”
There is no more trenchant way to emphasize gun safety than having the instructor shoot himself and his pupil during the lesson. While they are waiting for the ambulance, the importance of gun safety will never appear more paramount to both of them.
This incident occurred in one of the churches where Bible studies have given way to gun studies in the wake of the Texas church shooting. Both the instructor and the instructee were in their 80’s. The church, unlike this house of worship in Tampa, whose warning is reproduced below, does not have a warning out front about its congregants being armed, and obviously now, it shouldn’t. A more appropriate post for that church bulletin board might be “Don’t Bother Shooting Us—We’ll Do It Ourselves.”
The gun instructor was apparently suffering from dementia, as he forgot the gun was loaded even though he had just loaded it. Both he and the instructee were lightly wounded and are expected to recover. Would a robot gun instructor with artificial intelligence have similarly wounded itself and its pupil?
Probably not. So, bring on Robocop. But leave the driving to us.