"Carson is the kind of candidate Iowa Republicans can get behind," he said excitedly. "Trump still has a lot of support here, but Carson realized early on that the only way to surge in front of the Donald was to outflank him on the mental spectrum."
Sounds like you're saying he's even loonier than Trump.
"That plays in Iowa, man. Remember, Rick Santorum won here in '12. Dr. Carson got off to a great start by saying Obamacare was the worst thing that had happened to America since slavery."
Well, there was the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor, and 9-11. And Dick Cheney was only a heartbeat away from the Presidency for eight long years. All those things were pretty bad.
"None worse than Obamacare, pal. For one thing, there are now more than four times as many people insured under Obamacare than there were slaves in the South prior to the Civil War, so just by the numbers it's worse. Then Carson topped himself by saying that a Muslim should never be elected President."
You know the Constitution says that no religious test should ever be required for public office, Joe. Besides that, there are no Muslims running for President on either side.
"Don't lecture me about the Constitution, pal. Republicans know the Constitution is just like the Bible—it says exactly what we want it to say. And Republicans specialize in being afraid of things that are never going to happen—the government taking away all our guns, Sharia law in Oklahoma, FEMA death camps, everybody being forced to drive a Prius. A Muslim President is just something else to add to that list. Carson is a political genius, and he proved it once and for all when he said there would never have been a Holocaust if Jews had had guns."
You know the Nazis ran roughshod over people who had plenty of guns, Joe. The French and Polish armies come to mind.
"Stupid example. You know France and Poland combined couldn't win a war against the Bahamas. Look at Israel. Jews with guns! When was the last time Israel lost a war?"
Roughly two thousand years ago, I believe. But it was to the Romans, the Nazis of the ancient world.
"BEFORE THEY INVENTED GUNS! I rest my case."
Easy, Joe. You know, you're starting to foam at the mouth a little.
"That's the foam of joy, pal. We're rabid for Carson here in Iowa!"
Great campaign slogan, Joe.
"Believe me, buddy, the bumper stickers are at the printer's now."