This explains everything. Bishop Gaiters cuts through the crap of conspiracy theories about Venezuelan voting machines and millions of dead people casting ballots to arrive at the simple, Occam’s Razor tested, explanation for Donald Trump’s loss last fall—Biden sacrificed three immediate family members to the Dark Lord so he could someday be President.
So, simmer down, Mike Lindell. This is your chance to get out of being sued by Dominion Voting Systems for a billion dollars’ worth of pillows. Just say, “I take it all back—Bishop Gaiters convinced me that Satan switched all those votes to Biden.”
The same for you, Rudy. Lin Wood, too. The American people are off the hook, as well. When any one of the 85 million of us that voted for Joe are asked why we would want to do such a thing, probably by someone with Lawn and Garden bags full of gasoline in the back of their pickup truck, we can reply, “The Devil made me do it.”
The exact mechanism by which Tito Joe sacrificed his first wife, child daughter and adult son to the forces of evil is not detailed by the Bishop, although he avers that “two FBI agents” told him he was on the right track. Officially, Biden’s first wife and his daughter were killed in a car accident, and his son Beau by brain cancer in 2015.
It’s easy to see how the young Biden could don black robes, tie his wife and child onto a stone altar in ’72, ignore their cries for mercy, drive obsidian daggers through their hearts and drink their blood from a gold chalice afterwards, toasting Lucifer for making him a Senator, and fake the car crash afterwards. It’s more difficult to see how he could pull off the same deal with Beau, who was the Attorney General of Delaware at the time of his death and both younger and stronger than his aged father and presumably someone fairly well-watched, too.
But he did, according to the Bishop. And it makes sense, because Biden only has a single son left, and obviously the Devil already owns Hunter’s soul.
Questions remain, though. Why didn’t Trump counter last fall by sacrificing one of his own kids to the Prince of Darkness? Tiffany springs to mind, natch, although there’s little doubt that Trump would have happily killed any other of his useless, cloying offspring as well, and displayed their lifeless corpses like Don Jr. holding up the head of a dead cheetah, rather than lose the election.
Bishop Gaiter, whose title, as far as I can tell, is entirely self-granted, has predictions for future deaths as well. He is particularly keen on seeing Lady Gaga bite the dust, for singing the national anthem at Biden’s inauguration, probably, although publicly he says it’s because she is on an "American roster of witches" who will be decapitated by "the sword of God's word" in the future.
I’d be worried if I was Lady Gaga because God, unlike Satan, has a documented history of demanding human sacrifice. Consider the story of Abraham and his son Isaac. God demanded that Abraham sacrifice his son, and the patriarch had his offspring all tied up and ready to stab when God appeared again and said, “I was just shitting you, Abe.”
This is one of those Bible stories that confirm the thinking over here, which is that God can be shady AF sometimes.
But Bishop Gaiter can be shadier.