Destination America, a cable TV channel that mostly features travel and real estate shows for people who don't trust the government enough to let it issue them a passport, has a subdivision called Monsters and Mysteries in America, previously noted here, and I am now happy to report that they have raised the bar considerable with their new series, Mountain Monsters.
This show stars a specific cast of Bigfoot hunters, who plunge into the wilderness every week seeking to kill or capture a Sasquatch. They are like a Seal Team Six for Bigfoot, without the physical or intellectual qualities of Seals, or anywhere close to them. They could have called the show Fat Guys in the Woods, except there already is that show.
Each member of the team has a sub-specialty, which is noted when they first appear on screen. There is Huckleberry (Security), Buck (Expert Caller) Trapper (Team Leader), Wild Bill (Expert Trapper) and Willy (Trap Builder). It is a good thing that we are made aware of the skills each man possesses, because none of them are ever in evidence during the course of the show, especially those of the trapping variety, despite the fact that three of them have the word "trap" or "trapper" built into their noms de guerre or résumés. They build a Bigfoot trap or two every show, all of which uniformly fail to catch a Bigfoot. There is a reason for this.*
It is also handy for distinguishing between them, because all of them dress as if they purchased their clothes exclusively at a Goodwill store in deepest, darkest Arkansas, and they are mostly morbidly obese, except for Buck, who is extra morbidly obese, and Wild Bill, who is merely potbellied, and is humored by the rest of the team for that and his outstanding lack of teeth and intelligence. Bill's pals relentlessly scoff at the man's minuscule marble count even though none of them appear to be any smarter than a side of refried beans themselves.
All have beards that have never been shaved, trimmed, colored or combed. Every week, this astonishing collection of fashion fouls launches themselves into the woods, armed, in the back of their all-terrain truck and stumble around until one of them gets hurt, usually by a Bigfoot they just missed cornering in some desolate barn or corn crib. There are many loud noises and infrared camera shots of the team blanching in fear as they fancy themselves surrounded by Sasquatchi. I am dead solid certain the guns they bear are not loaded, otherwise they would certainly end up shooting themselves or each other. They seek Sasquatch-related clues from other backwoods denizens, surly, terse men who all have one thing in common—they have Bigfoot problems like Nicki Minaj has booty.
In the episode that I watched, Buck fell on his butt for no apparent reason except for the pull of gravity and ended up in the hospital, while the rest of the crew nearly overturned their ride driving over boulders in the dark.
All of this is presented as heroism, and the viewer is left to decide which of the Mountain Monster Men he'd rather share a foxhole with. In my opinion, one's as good as the next.
As long as it's a pretty good-sized foxhole.
*Bigfoot doesn't exist