“It’s prima facie,” said the saucy legal temptress. “Once you’ve been President, everything you’ve ever done is legit. From Trump kicking Reginald Cucksworth III in the balls in third grade because little Reggie wouldn’t give him his lunch money, to passing state secrets to Putin, to him IM’ing Mark Meadow’s to threaten to cut out his tongue if he testifies against him, Trump is protected from all legal consequences, because he is the once and future President.”
I’m not sure the Supreme Court is going to go along with that….
“Of course, they are! Remember, Trump appointed three of them. They’d be droning along in some appeals court somewhere, deciding mind-numbing cases on state water rights and listening to Native Americans bitch about old treaties, like other shitty judges everywhere, if Trump hadn’t made them Supremes. Gorsuch looks at a portrait of Trump every morning as he hits himself up with his daily dose of Ketamine. Amy Coney Barrett wears nothing underneath her judicial robes and dances around to Cardi B’s “Wet Ass Pussy” when she’s in chambers, thinking of no one but Trump, and Kavanaugh’s only a couple drafts and a shot of Wild Turkey from going along with anybody about anything.
“As far as the rest of them go, Alioto thinks Trump is the greatest national leader since Mussolini and Clarence Thomas knows that if Trump gets back in the White House, he can keep going on those billionaire camping trips so he can get away from his wife. That’s five votes, baby!”
Yeah, but anything, ever…
“Every pussy he’s grabbed, every contractor he’s cheated, everybody he’s ever pulled his dick out on in a dressing room, every tax form he’s ever filled in with crayon—they’re all legit because he was President. (Staggers a little) Ipso facto, e pluribus unum, seize the fucking carp, baby…
Alina, have you been drinking?
“Hell, yeah. Every morning me and the other Trump lawyers play quarters with shots of Grey Goose before we contemplate the awfulness of representing Trump. I mean, look at me. I could have been an influencer on Instagram or at least Queen of some fucking state fair someplace instead of whoring out for the worst person in the world this side of…Hold on…”
Habba retches, runs to ladies’ room holding mouth shut and gurgling, “No comment! No comment!”)