What’s coming out about the final days of the Trump circus reveals that Mike Pence, far from being the stern Constitutional defender that he will no doubt portray himself as when he makes his own laughable run for the White House in ’24, actively consulted with people who were aware that one of Trump’s lawyers had a six-point plan for him to throw a pipe wrench into the gears of election 2020.
The plan was for Pence to refuse to certify the electoral votes of six states, thereby making Trump the winner in the Electoral College. When the Democrats howled at that like they were getting their skins scraped off by rusty Brillo pads, Pence would shrug and pass off the problem to the House of Representatives. The House would conduct a vote based on state delegations, which the Republicans control 26-24, and Trump would have been re-elected.
The trouble with this rather breathless analysis was that one of those Republican state delegations was, and is, entirely controlled by one person, and that state is Wyoming, and that person is Liz Cheney, who, despite having inherited her dad’s opinion that the only way to achieve world peace is to keep paying Blackwater to kill brown people, is the Republican most utterly and publicly sick of Trump’s bullshit. The House would have tied 25-25, and no President would have been elected.
Come last January 20th, there would have been three people who could claim to be President—Biden, the guy people voted for, Nancy Pelosi, who automatically became Madam President on that date when nobody else was elected by the House, and Trump, who would continue to squat in the White House despite having no legal claim to be there, because of course he would.
When the Republican mobs hit the streets, they would have been met by Democratic mobs. Oath Keepers vs. Antifa would have happened every day. The US military would have been split down the middle. By the time the Supreme Court ruled in favor of President Pelosi and awarded her the nuclear football, Putin would probably have reinstituted Russian control over most of Eastern Europe, and would get a congratulatory call for that from Trump, still holed up in the West Wing, now guarded by Proud Boys instead of the Secret Service.
Nobody would have gotten America vaccinated, and when the Delta variant showed up it would have swept through the entire nation, instead of just weeding out fat people with GED’s who get their science from YouTube.
In desperation, California, along with many other states, would have seceded from the Union just so they could buy vaccines from Israel, and Gavin Newsom, the Acting President of the United States of the West Coast, would announce a mutual defense treaty with the United States of the East Coast, to try and forestall an invasion from Texas and Florida aimed at preserving the rights of Americans to breathe on other Americans. The Mask War would have begun at the California and New Jersey state lines.
But Pence consulted with former VP Dan Quayle first because, apparently, he felt that you ought to talk to a senior advisor before pissing on the Constitution like it was a bush in the back yard of your frat house. Quayle, who was probably not the first Vice President to make a spelling error but the first to be famous for it, and whose phone number has been forgotten by everybody except Mike Pence, could have said, “Go ahead, Mike, I’m tired of being remembered as the dumbest Vice President in history, anyway.”
Instead, Quayle said, “Jesus, Mike, did that fly eat most of your brain? No fucking way. Just sit down, shut up, count the votes and call a moving van.”
So now, the biggest problem we have today is a few extra Haitians.
Thanks, Dan.
The plan was for Pence to refuse to certify the electoral votes of six states, thereby making Trump the winner in the Electoral College. When the Democrats howled at that like they were getting their skins scraped off by rusty Brillo pads, Pence would shrug and pass off the problem to the House of Representatives. The House would conduct a vote based on state delegations, which the Republicans control 26-24, and Trump would have been re-elected.
The trouble with this rather breathless analysis was that one of those Republican state delegations was, and is, entirely controlled by one person, and that state is Wyoming, and that person is Liz Cheney, who, despite having inherited her dad’s opinion that the only way to achieve world peace is to keep paying Blackwater to kill brown people, is the Republican most utterly and publicly sick of Trump’s bullshit. The House would have tied 25-25, and no President would have been elected.
Come last January 20th, there would have been three people who could claim to be President—Biden, the guy people voted for, Nancy Pelosi, who automatically became Madam President on that date when nobody else was elected by the House, and Trump, who would continue to squat in the White House despite having no legal claim to be there, because of course he would.
When the Republican mobs hit the streets, they would have been met by Democratic mobs. Oath Keepers vs. Antifa would have happened every day. The US military would have been split down the middle. By the time the Supreme Court ruled in favor of President Pelosi and awarded her the nuclear football, Putin would probably have reinstituted Russian control over most of Eastern Europe, and would get a congratulatory call for that from Trump, still holed up in the West Wing, now guarded by Proud Boys instead of the Secret Service.
Nobody would have gotten America vaccinated, and when the Delta variant showed up it would have swept through the entire nation, instead of just weeding out fat people with GED’s who get their science from YouTube.
In desperation, California, along with many other states, would have seceded from the Union just so they could buy vaccines from Israel, and Gavin Newsom, the Acting President of the United States of the West Coast, would announce a mutual defense treaty with the United States of the East Coast, to try and forestall an invasion from Texas and Florida aimed at preserving the rights of Americans to breathe on other Americans. The Mask War would have begun at the California and New Jersey state lines.
But Pence consulted with former VP Dan Quayle first because, apparently, he felt that you ought to talk to a senior advisor before pissing on the Constitution like it was a bush in the back yard of your frat house. Quayle, who was probably not the first Vice President to make a spelling error but the first to be famous for it, and whose phone number has been forgotten by everybody except Mike Pence, could have said, “Go ahead, Mike, I’m tired of being remembered as the dumbest Vice President in history, anyway.”
Instead, Quayle said, “Jesus, Mike, did that fly eat most of your brain? No fucking way. Just sit down, shut up, count the votes and call a moving van.”
So now, the biggest problem we have today is a few extra Haitians.
Thanks, Dan.
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