That didn’t always happen, natch. Many a weekend night at Big Al’s would tick away in a drunken stupor, with no violence being offered.
But America is always improving itself, and now brawls are regularly scheduled and funded by the state. I’m talking about school board meetings, and how some people are violently objecting to educated people running the educational system.
Why are these people pepper-spraying the principal? In theory, Americans want their kids to be better off than they are. A guy who’s worked thirty years in a lumber mill and only has eight fingers left wants his kids to go to college and get an office job. Conversely, though, he doesn’t their education to make them any smarter than he is.
He especially doesn’t want them to be “ashamed of being white.” These are kids we’re talking about here. Kids are ashamed of lots of things, but being white is way down on the list. They’re ashamed of their bodies, their clothes, their position on their school’s popularity depth chart, and of still taking the bus to high school after they’re old enough to drive. Hell, they are probably way more ashamed of their Eight-Fingered-Dad than they are of their Caucasian heritage.
Dad and Mom are in an uproar, though, because Tucker Carlson is telling them that critical race theory, which is actually only taught in college and graduate schools, is being spoon-fed to preschoolers right after they wake up from naptime. They’re out in the parking lot, slashing school board member’s tires out of fear that somehow, someway, their kids will find out that some white people did not always behave perfectly nicely to black and brown people in the nation’s past.
If that school board member is black, the irony is totally lost on them. Trust me on this.
The lazy haters just send educators vivid death threats on social media and by email.
The problem has become so pervasive that the US Attorney General has launched an investigation. No less a Republican than Mitch McConnell has objected to this. Republicans in general hate it when Democrats try to solve a problem, but Mitch is usually too busy stuffing his pockets with donor money and torpedoing his old pal Joe Biden’s Presidency to chime in on the culture wars. He sees an opportunity here, though, to gin up the base against their perceived enemies, people who got A’s in high school and black people, who, with all the white people running around being ashamed, would probably make even more rap music.
A guy running for governor of Virginia put it even more bluntly. "If parents don't have a say-so in terms of their kid's education, then who does?" he Tweeted, putting himself firmly on the side of parents so concerned about their kids’ education that they bring bear spray to school board meetings and threaten to use it to make sure their kids don’t learn anything they don’t like, only things that they do.
Bye, bye, slavery. Hello, Q-Anon.