Fox News features many stories you don’t see on mainstream news, because those other journalistic outlets are so often wearily preoccupied with our President continuing to be a lying salmon shitbird. Fox does not think this is newsworthy, and so they give plenty of airtime, or at least more airtime than it deserves, to the phenomena of airborne moisture clots looking like angels and firemen.
God communicates through clouds. It is Jesus that communicates through toast—the headline is mistaken, but I am too lazy to change it now. You skeptics out there are saying, “If God communicates through clouds, why isn’t He a little more obvious with it? Like, if every single cloud was an identical image of Him, it would be a lot tougher to doubt His existence.”
To which I reply, “Why doesn’t He just sit down with Trevor Noah some night and, between yocks about sex and politics, reveal which one of the monotheistic faiths is His fave?” Which doesn’t really refute your point. It’s just something I wonder.
God likes to mix it up more than that. When you see a cloud that looks like a crocodile, is He reminding you that you may eventually be eaten by one? Maybe. When you see one shaped like a dollar sign, is He trying to tell you you’ll never win the lottery unless you pray for it? When you see one resembling a coat hanger, is it just a helpful reminder from Him to go get that abortion?
In the Middle East, on 9-11, did a cloud formation appear that resembled a suicide bomber rushing towards a virgin?
All is possible, with God and clouds. Sometimes clouds are just fluffy angels and firemen, sometimes they clog together to give us much-needed rain—sometimes they give us rain we don’t need at all. Sometimes they wad themselves into humongous hurricanes, and spray whole islands cleaner of houses than a fireman’s hose.
There’s a clear message in those kind of clouds, a message from God that rings loud and true, consistently, through the course of history.
Watch out for your own ass.
Amen to that.