We all remember when it wasn’t so, because it was not so long ago. Five years ago, we all had a vaguely good opinion of Musk. He was a multi-multi billionaire, sure, but he did good things. He made electric cars, which were good for the planet. He made rockets to go to other planets, just in case the electric cars didn’t save this one. Nobody really knew what a super-size jerk he was, until he made a point of letting us know that, at heart, he was just Joe Rogan with a spaceport.
Other billionaires are more circumspect about their flaws, or even try to conceal them under a folksy veneer, like Sam Walton, the founder of Walmart. Sam drove the same old pickup truck for years, in a gesture that suggested his commonality with the people who made him rich by buying easily broken Chinese crap at his stores. Did he ever mention that he would swerve it to attempt to kill any woodland creature that tried to cross the road in front of him? There’s a lot of critters down in Arkansas, and rumor has it that Sam wouldn’t come to work until he had flattened at least one. Sometimes he wouldn’t show up at work until the late afternoon, because it took him that long to squish his toad for the day. But he never talked to Don Lemon about his murderous urges.
Or Jeff Bezos. Sure, everybody knows he’s a major prick, but he doesn’t double down on it. His wife left him just so she could take half his money and give it away, because Bezos hoards like a human version of Smaug the Dragon. Yeah, he’s ordered all his bodyguards to kick the crap out of any homeless people he sees, just because he knows they’ll never be able to afford Amazon Prime. But he doesn’t post videos of it on YouTube.
There’s Bill Gates, too. Gates is above the fray now, not having written a line of code in thirty years. He just drifts from island to island, with his wife and probably a small coterie of sex slaves. He gives a great deal of money away, mostly in Africa, where, he hopes someday, everyone there will quit dying of tropical diseases, get a good education and a job where they will be driven mad by Microsoft Word, Teams and Outlook, like the rest of us have. He doesn’t even have to design the shitty, overpriced computer programs that office sheeple will be forced to use by middle management everywhere, anymore. He has people to do that for him. Unlike Elon, he keeps all this on the down low.
Elon lets it all hang out. He hates immigrants, even though he is one, and DEI and woke and Democrats and mainstream media and anything else that doesn’t really harm anyone but is offensive to the guns ‘n Jesus crowd. He snorts ketamine and goes on rages so unhinged that a neutral observer might suspect that what he’s really cranky about is that everyone still calls the social media platform he lost a fortune buying Twitter, instead of X, like he wants them to and we refuse to just because it sounds stupid compared to Twitter.
He’s not going anywhere, either. He might be the first human to seek immortality by uploading his consciousness to a computer when his end is near. He can afford it, and there’s no doubt here he’s working on it.
So, our grandchildren and great grand-children will live in a world presided over by the Elon Overmind, babbling nonsense and spewing disgust over the Internet, forever.
It’s enough to make you want to move to Mars.
Other billionaires are more circumspect about their flaws, or even try to conceal them under a folksy veneer, like Sam Walton, the founder of Walmart. Sam drove the same old pickup truck for years, in a gesture that suggested his commonality with the people who made him rich by buying easily broken Chinese crap at his stores. Did he ever mention that he would swerve it to attempt to kill any woodland creature that tried to cross the road in front of him? There’s a lot of critters down in Arkansas, and rumor has it that Sam wouldn’t come to work until he had flattened at least one. Sometimes he wouldn’t show up at work until the late afternoon, because it took him that long to squish his toad for the day. But he never talked to Don Lemon about his murderous urges.
Or Jeff Bezos. Sure, everybody knows he’s a major prick, but he doesn’t double down on it. His wife left him just so she could take half his money and give it away, because Bezos hoards like a human version of Smaug the Dragon. Yeah, he’s ordered all his bodyguards to kick the crap out of any homeless people he sees, just because he knows they’ll never be able to afford Amazon Prime. But he doesn’t post videos of it on YouTube.
There’s Bill Gates, too. Gates is above the fray now, not having written a line of code in thirty years. He just drifts from island to island, with his wife and probably a small coterie of sex slaves. He gives a great deal of money away, mostly in Africa, where, he hopes someday, everyone there will quit dying of tropical diseases, get a good education and a job where they will be driven mad by Microsoft Word, Teams and Outlook, like the rest of us have. He doesn’t even have to design the shitty, overpriced computer programs that office sheeple will be forced to use by middle management everywhere, anymore. He has people to do that for him. Unlike Elon, he keeps all this on the down low.
Elon lets it all hang out. He hates immigrants, even though he is one, and DEI and woke and Democrats and mainstream media and anything else that doesn’t really harm anyone but is offensive to the guns ‘n Jesus crowd. He snorts ketamine and goes on rages so unhinged that a neutral observer might suspect that what he’s really cranky about is that everyone still calls the social media platform he lost a fortune buying Twitter, instead of X, like he wants them to and we refuse to just because it sounds stupid compared to Twitter.
He’s not going anywhere, either. He might be the first human to seek immortality by uploading his consciousness to a computer when his end is near. He can afford it, and there’s no doubt here he’s working on it.
So, our grandchildren and great grand-children will live in a world presided over by the Elon Overmind, babbling nonsense and spewing disgust over the Internet, forever.
It’s enough to make you want to move to Mars.
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