The Flat Earthers are coming. They are a growing segment of the population, according to this piece in CNN, and often brag how their numbers are increasing.
NASA is their bogeyman. It is this government agency, they say, that is the source of all round-earth thinking. Before NASA, they say, everyone was all cozy with a flat earth, although NASA has only been feeding us its oblate spheroid lies since 1958, while round-earthing propaganda was around long before that, being spread by the likes of Eratosthenes, Galileo, Columbus and the Harlem Globetrotters, when NASA was just a gleam in the Bilderberger’s eyes.
But NASA is the powerhouse of the round Earth disinformation league now, after faking the Moon landing. Landing on the Moon is impossible, because the Moon is just a paper plate being towed across the sky, its white surface slightly discolored because God ate a couple pieces of oily fried chicken off of it. Yes, that God—He is central to the flat earth belief system. The Earth is not round in the Bible, and that settles it for the flat Earth crew, because what a bunch of wandering Semites with a peculiar dietary regimen believed about the cosmos was the last word on it.
God, for example, hangs the Sun on a string so low that it can burn the hair off marsupials in Australia while being invisible in Paris, despite Australia being on the same plane as the City of Light. This is because the sun is small—no bigger than the Pentagon—and there are enough clouds and mists between Sydney and Paris to make the sky completely daylit in one and absolutely dark in the other. Flatties believe this, even though sunsets would seem to be very different in their geography—instead of appearing to drop below the horizon, the sun would just gradually fade away, like the Philadelphia Eagles.
Flatters have the same explanation for time zones. The tiny sun is the reason you can call your friend in Peking while it is broad daylight anywhere in the US and piss them off by waking them up in the middle of the night. Try it yourself—they get pissed off even if you don’t speak a word of Mandarin.
Who profits from maintaining the round earth hoax? The usual suspects—the Rothschilds, the Rockefellers, the Illuminati and Jeff Bezos. How this profits them is not clear, even to the Flat Earthers, although there are certainly a lot of globes for sale on Amazon.
Flatters are also prone to believing almost all conspiracy theories. Many of them are also 9/11 was an inside job faithful, even though being a flat-earther means you need to believe what you see with your own eyes, while believing the collapse of the Twin Towers on 9/11 was perpetrated by the CIA, or Israel, or our reptile overlords depends on you not trusting those images of planes flying into buildings.
Flat Earthers have Youtube roots. Prior to the invention of electronic screens, people with same amount of brains found in a bait bucket were mute in scientific debate, because they had to read a bunch of words, sometimes in fairly small print, to even qualify. Now they can binge-watch pure streaming idiocy until they run out of chips and beer.
Now you are probably thinking, “Why aren’t I watching YouTube instead of reading this shit?”
Well, go ahead. I was done anyway.
NASA is their bogeyman. It is this government agency, they say, that is the source of all round-earth thinking. Before NASA, they say, everyone was all cozy with a flat earth, although NASA has only been feeding us its oblate spheroid lies since 1958, while round-earthing propaganda was around long before that, being spread by the likes of Eratosthenes, Galileo, Columbus and the Harlem Globetrotters, when NASA was just a gleam in the Bilderberger’s eyes.
But NASA is the powerhouse of the round Earth disinformation league now, after faking the Moon landing. Landing on the Moon is impossible, because the Moon is just a paper plate being towed across the sky, its white surface slightly discolored because God ate a couple pieces of oily fried chicken off of it. Yes, that God—He is central to the flat earth belief system. The Earth is not round in the Bible, and that settles it for the flat Earth crew, because what a bunch of wandering Semites with a peculiar dietary regimen believed about the cosmos was the last word on it.
God, for example, hangs the Sun on a string so low that it can burn the hair off marsupials in Australia while being invisible in Paris, despite Australia being on the same plane as the City of Light. This is because the sun is small—no bigger than the Pentagon—and there are enough clouds and mists between Sydney and Paris to make the sky completely daylit in one and absolutely dark in the other. Flatties believe this, even though sunsets would seem to be very different in their geography—instead of appearing to drop below the horizon, the sun would just gradually fade away, like the Philadelphia Eagles.
Flatters have the same explanation for time zones. The tiny sun is the reason you can call your friend in Peking while it is broad daylight anywhere in the US and piss them off by waking them up in the middle of the night. Try it yourself—they get pissed off even if you don’t speak a word of Mandarin.
Who profits from maintaining the round earth hoax? The usual suspects—the Rothschilds, the Rockefellers, the Illuminati and Jeff Bezos. How this profits them is not clear, even to the Flat Earthers, although there are certainly a lot of globes for sale on Amazon.
Flatters are also prone to believing almost all conspiracy theories. Many of them are also 9/11 was an inside job faithful, even though being a flat-earther means you need to believe what you see with your own eyes, while believing the collapse of the Twin Towers on 9/11 was perpetrated by the CIA, or Israel, or our reptile overlords depends on you not trusting those images of planes flying into buildings.
Flat Earthers have Youtube roots. Prior to the invention of electronic screens, people with same amount of brains found in a bait bucket were mute in scientific debate, because they had to read a bunch of words, sometimes in fairly small print, to even qualify. Now they can binge-watch pure streaming idiocy until they run out of chips and beer.
Now you are probably thinking, “Why aren’t I watching YouTube instead of reading this shit?”
Well, go ahead. I was done anyway.
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