A casual observer of my person might suspect this, since I’m an old white guy, but it is not true. The girl and I had a discreet “Biden-Harris” sticker in the window before the last election, but it was only discreet because our HOA prohibits yard signs. I wanted to spray-paint “FUCK TRUMP” on our garage door, and I regretted not doing so, especially after the damn thing broke down in December and a new one cost $2300.
I had to settle for naming our wireless network “fucktrump.”
Thanks to my research efforts intended entirely to sharpen my satire, I get offers for t-shirts that say “My Rights Don’t End Where Your Feelings Begin,” which is advertised as “Being for Proud Americans.”
Probably sell more of them with that tagline than by saying, “Being for Thoughtless, Agitated Assholes,” but what do I know about marketing?
I have to admit I also get ads for t-shirts that say “I Could Go a Day Without Beer but Why Risk It?” which seem to at least vaguely recognize who I really am.
But I am not sending money to Ted Cruz to help him keep the country from descending into a socialist hell. I am cool with the Biden plan of killing off the virus and restoring the economy. I can think of only one person I would rather give money to less than Ted Cruz, and that is Rand “Won’t You Be My Neighbor, Because My Last One Punched My Lights Out,” Paul, who wants me to send him money to fire Anthony Fauci, even though he is not Fauci’s boss. I would rather donate to Vladimir Putin’s re-election campaign than either one of those guys.
Or maybe Mike Huckabee, ex-governor of Arkansas and lying Internet hustler. He wants me to buy a book from him that teaches kids how to recognize “fake news,” which, surprise, surprise, teaches kids how to believe everything Hannity tells them. He also offers a book that explains to innocents how to argue back when confronted by atheist kids with the fact that Adam and Eve only had two documented kids, both of whom were male, so where did the human race come from? Mike advises kids that while the Bible is inerrantly true, it is also sometimes short on details.
Huckabee is missing the mark advertising to me personally as well as politically--my kid will turn 30 this year. He also doesn’t seem to realize that kids care very little about politics and theology. What kids care about is war and bloodshed, as I recall from my days of playing army in the dirt with a piece of wood as a pretend rifle, and today’s kids exemplify by fighting online combat games. Huckabee doesn’t offer any kid-friendly advice on these interests, although a book called, “Hey, It Really, Really Hurts When You Get Hit by a Bullet,” might serve as a helpful reminder to kids not to shoot themselves or others when they get a real gun.
Useful advice is not what Huckabee is accustomed to selling, though. He’s retired from politics now, although he’s gung-ho for his overweight daughter with two different-sized eyes to follow in his footsteps by becoming Governor of Arkansas, relying heavily on her resume as an unsurpassed prevaricator to appeal to the voters of that benighted state.
If Sarah loses, she can follow in her dad’s footsteps by writing kid’s books. “You Already Lie to Your Mom, But Nobody Pays You for That,” has a nice ring to it.