Random sample of white Presidents
The Republican Party and Fox News are in an uproar about the Obama Administration adding links promoting his policies to the online biographies of previous Presidents. The links noted that Obama is trying to preserve Social Security, originally established by Franklin Roosevelt, Medicare, signed into law by Lyndon Johnson and establish tax fairness as advocated by Ronald Reagan.
Veteran political operative Joe Redstate was among the first to cry foul. "I'm especially offended by Obama saying that a great Republican like Ronald Reagan was in favor of tax 'fairness," he snorted. "I suppose you can dig up those wild quotes somewhere, but it's likely it's just something the Great Communicator said right as he was nodding off for his afternoon nap. This false Obama propaganda just drives us wild. The fact is, Reagan enjoyed paying less in taxes than his secretary. He used to 'accidentally' leave his massive refund checks on her desk, just to see her middle-class face drop when she realized the Gipper got away with deducting his hair dye and never paid more than a thousand bucks a year in taxes in his whole life.
"Likewise, Obama comparing himself to Roosevelt, even though they were both Democrats, gets in Republican craws. We don't like being reminded that Social Security was invented by a respectable, got-his-face-on-the-money kind of President, because that makes keeping it sound like a good idea, instead of changing over to the Republican plan, which is to take your Social Security taxes every year and buy Facebook stock with them.
"Medicare, too. Reminding people that Johnson signed it might make them realize it's been working for almost fifty years and that we might not need the ground-breaking new Republican Medicare plan, which will cure the deficit by letting every American have one free heart attack. 'The first one's free, so make it a good one!' is our motto. This will encourage people who depend on Medicare to quit getting a lot of squibbly little diseases. Chronic illnesses waste time and money. This is also the Republican plan to fix global warming. Instead of tanking up all that oxygen so old people can inhale it, we're letting it stay in the atmosphere so there won't be room for all that nasty carbon dioxide, plus polar bears and baby seals can breathe it all they want."
You have to admit, it does sound a like you're overreacting a little bit. All Obama is doing is saying that other Presidents paved the way for his ideas.
"That's the worst part. Obama has no business comparing himself to other Presidents, in the opinion of Republicans. He's got some nerve, comparing himself to regular Presidents."
Well, he is a regular President. Got himself elected, sworn in, lives in the White House, has a Cabinet that works for him, everything.
"Oh, you think it's regular, having a President like Obama? Ever notice what's different about him? The clue phone's ringing, pal! He's not a white guy! All of our other Presidents were white guys! Even Presidents that white guys didn't particularly like, like Clinton and Carter, were at least white guys themselves! We need a white guy for President! That's what the Republican Party stands for! And we've found the whitest guy in America to bear our standard! Mitt Romney!
But what if Romney loses?
"Don't say that. It's our worst fear. What if the Presidency turns out to be like the heavyweight boxing championship? Once you get a black one, they're all black after him?" The Republican op shook his head dolefully. "It keeps us up at night, believe me."
Veteran political operative Joe Redstate was among the first to cry foul. "I'm especially offended by Obama saying that a great Republican like Ronald Reagan was in favor of tax 'fairness," he snorted. "I suppose you can dig up those wild quotes somewhere, but it's likely it's just something the Great Communicator said right as he was nodding off for his afternoon nap. This false Obama propaganda just drives us wild. The fact is, Reagan enjoyed paying less in taxes than his secretary. He used to 'accidentally' leave his massive refund checks on her desk, just to see her middle-class face drop when she realized the Gipper got away with deducting his hair dye and never paid more than a thousand bucks a year in taxes in his whole life.
"Likewise, Obama comparing himself to Roosevelt, even though they were both Democrats, gets in Republican craws. We don't like being reminded that Social Security was invented by a respectable, got-his-face-on-the-money kind of President, because that makes keeping it sound like a good idea, instead of changing over to the Republican plan, which is to take your Social Security taxes every year and buy Facebook stock with them.
"Medicare, too. Reminding people that Johnson signed it might make them realize it's been working for almost fifty years and that we might not need the ground-breaking new Republican Medicare plan, which will cure the deficit by letting every American have one free heart attack. 'The first one's free, so make it a good one!' is our motto. This will encourage people who depend on Medicare to quit getting a lot of squibbly little diseases. Chronic illnesses waste time and money. This is also the Republican plan to fix global warming. Instead of tanking up all that oxygen so old people can inhale it, we're letting it stay in the atmosphere so there won't be room for all that nasty carbon dioxide, plus polar bears and baby seals can breathe it all they want."
You have to admit, it does sound a like you're overreacting a little bit. All Obama is doing is saying that other Presidents paved the way for his ideas.
"That's the worst part. Obama has no business comparing himself to other Presidents, in the opinion of Republicans. He's got some nerve, comparing himself to regular Presidents."
Well, he is a regular President. Got himself elected, sworn in, lives in the White House, has a Cabinet that works for him, everything.
"Oh, you think it's regular, having a President like Obama? Ever notice what's different about him? The clue phone's ringing, pal! He's not a white guy! All of our other Presidents were white guys! Even Presidents that white guys didn't particularly like, like Clinton and Carter, were at least white guys themselves! We need a white guy for President! That's what the Republican Party stands for! And we've found the whitest guy in America to bear our standard! Mitt Romney!
But what if Romney loses?
"Don't say that. It's our worst fear. What if the Presidency turns out to be like the heavyweight boxing championship? Once you get a black one, they're all black after him?" The Republican op shook his head dolefully. "It keeps us up at night, believe me."
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