A “prayer shield,” an impenetrable theological umbrella erected by hordes of “prayer warriors,” over the person and actions of Donald Trump has been in place since before his inauguration, to no observable effect. The constant clamoring of sincere believers in the ears of God has not kept his administration from coming off as an astonishing clusterfuck. There are several possibilities for this, the first being that God is just laughing off any prayers, no matter how heartfelt, on behalf of any preening ignoramuses who live to cheat their friends, lie about their enemies and brag on fingering unwilling vagina.
Don't dismiss this possibility. When confronted by supplications regarding Trump, God just might splutter and say, “Oh, for My sake!” or “Jesus Christ, can you believe this?”
And after Jesus replies “Oh Me, fuck no,” they both go back to adjusting the galaxies, leaving Trump on his own to search Craigslist for people willing to be his National Security Advisor.
Another possibility is that prayer has no effect on any course of events at all. Many people disagree with this. I found that out the hard way, by posting this on Facebook:
Don't dismiss this possibility. When confronted by supplications regarding Trump, God just might splutter and say, “Oh, for My sake!” or “Jesus Christ, can you believe this?”
And after Jesus replies “Oh Me, fuck no,” they both go back to adjusting the galaxies, leaving Trump on his own to search Craigslist for people willing to be his National Security Advisor.
Another possibility is that prayer has no effect on any course of events at all. Many people disagree with this. I found that out the hard way, by posting this on Facebook:
This is a rotten thing to say, although fairly typical for an apathetic agnostic with a mild hangover. While my position had its supporters, many people argued for the efficacy of prayer in the comments, and still more thought that it was extremely tasteless of me to crack wise about cancer. I reject this latter argument, because if God did not think cancer was funny, why did He invent it in the first place?
The third possibility is that a prayer needs to be constructed to specifically address the problems of the President. Instead of throwing up a prayer shield consisting of random Hail Mary’s or Glory Be’s, the rampart of supplications to Heaven needs to detail out a to-do list for the Almighty concerning Trump. Here’s a possible example:
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be the name of Trump. May Trump’s kingdom come, in America as well as Russia, Scotland, Dubai, Uruguay or any other place where Donald owns a hotel or golf course. May his will be done, in the Senate, the House of Representatives, the Supreme Court and Mar el Largo. Give him this day a secret loan from the Kremlin and a sweetheart licensing deal in China and forgive those who fact-check him, for they are fake news. For Trump’s is the kingdom, the power and the pussy, forever and ever, Amen.
There, that ought to do it. Can I get a thousand likes?
The third possibility is that a prayer needs to be constructed to specifically address the problems of the President. Instead of throwing up a prayer shield consisting of random Hail Mary’s or Glory Be’s, the rampart of supplications to Heaven needs to detail out a to-do list for the Almighty concerning Trump. Here’s a possible example:
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be the name of Trump. May Trump’s kingdom come, in America as well as Russia, Scotland, Dubai, Uruguay or any other place where Donald owns a hotel or golf course. May his will be done, in the Senate, the House of Representatives, the Supreme Court and Mar el Largo. Give him this day a secret loan from the Kremlin and a sweetheart licensing deal in China and forgive those who fact-check him, for they are fake news. For Trump’s is the kingdom, the power and the pussy, forever and ever, Amen.
There, that ought to do it. Can I get a thousand likes?
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