Spin maven Kellyanne Conway, always the first to step up to the plate to field the hardball questions, replied to this one smoothly.
“The phenomena that is the Trump victory can be explained by one thing. Americans were tired of the stalemate in Washington between Democrats, and their vision of a government that works for the American people, and the Republicans, with their vision of a government that works for the people who donate money to their campaigns. Trump blew both of those ideas out of the water, and now the American government is going to work for Trump.”
But not really anybody else?
“That is not Trump’s problem. Look at the cabinet he’s assembling! Rick Perry for the Energy Department!”
Rick Perry once said he wanted to abolish the Energy Department. Actually, he said he couldn't remember wanting to abolish the Energy Department.
“And now he can’t, whether he remembers to or not! What’s he going to do, go back to Dancing with the Stars? Stroke of genius! And what about Ben Carson at HUD?”
Tell me again how he’s qualified for that job?
“He’s a black guy. We had to have one. He’s the only black guy the Boss knows, besides Don King. We’re still trying to find a spot for King, by the way. The only man with a stranger haircut than the Donald’s is going to have a prominent place in the Trump Administration.”
Supreme Court, maybe?
“I’m pretty sure the Boss knows there’s already a black guy there, so probably not. But somewhere. The President-elect loves having press conferences with King. His feeling is, any time you have a tough press conference, make it a co-conference with Don King. No matter how much sense you do not make, Don King will make less."
What about actual policies? What about Obamacare?
“We’re going to abolish Obamacare and replace it with something, or possibly nothing. Either way, it’s going to be unbelievably good.”
And draining the swamp? And building the wall?
“I think it’s obvious to everyone that when Mr. Trump was saying those things during the campaign he had his fingers crossed, but he was NOT lying his orange face off, as his enemies who are still bitter about winning the popular vote by millions but losing in the Electoral College HA HA like to say. Anyone who’s been following the appointment process must realize that the PEOTUS was sincere about draining the swamp. Just not right away. First, we’re going to air-condition the swamp, and maybe put in some Jacuzzis and a clubhouse. Mexico is still refusing to pay for the wall, so we’re making the process more competitive by inviting bids by other nations. If Canada, Abu Dhabi or Cambodia wants to pay for the wall, we’ll have one.
“In foreign policy, we’re going to have an arms race with Russia, but it’s going to be a friendly one, kind of like a side bet on a golf game, only for trillions of dollars.”
It actually doesn’t sound like you have any idea of what you’re going to do at all. Do you really think that American voters were so sick of political stalemate they really wanted an astonishing clusterfuck instead?
‘I’m going to turn that question over to my friend, Don King.”