Morton’s issued a statement, which said, among other things, that “Politics, regardless of your side or views, should not trample the freedom at play of the right to congregate and eat dinner…There is a time and place for everything. Disturbing the dinner of all of our customers was an act of selfishness and void of decency.”
He went on to add, “These scroungy leftist broads never paid more than twenty bucks for a steak in their lives. Fuck ‘em,” then, after reconsideration, asked that that be stricken from the record.
This statement by a PR person for a restaurant chain does not have the force of law, but a future Court decision could easily make it so. The right to pay a hundred-twenty-nine bucks for a Tomahawk Ribeye by a chubby little frat-house prick who looks like his complexion barely cleared up in time for him to be appointed to the highest judicial office in the land is not established in the Constitution, but it easily could be. The deal with the Court snatching back women’s’ freedom of choice over their own ovaries was, as Sam Alioto put it, “not firmly established in law, back in 1870 or so, which era we’re planning to drag the whole country back to, as soon as the big hoo-ha over this one dies down, so screw Planned Parenthood. The gays are next, ha, ha.” *
Fortunately, for Kavanaugh, the right of wealthy white men to chow down, mac out, pig out or otherwise bloat themselves so that the fine brandy they enjoy after dinner can barely trickle through their pre-bulimic stomachs was established long before 1870. Here’s an example of the feasts served by Thomas Jefferson to his guests, back when he was President #3: “Rice soup, round of beef, turkey, mutton, ham, loin of veal, cutlets of mutton or veal, fried eggs, fried beef, a pie called macaroni . . . Ice cream very good . . . a dish somewhat like pudding . . . covered with cream sauce -- very fine. Many other jimcracks, a great variety of fruit, plenty of wines, and good."
Now, you might be thinking, “Shit, the meals at Jefferson’s crib made the menu at Morton’s look like a Value Burrito at Del Taco,” but that’s legally irrelevant.
Of course, Jefferson had his dinners served by his slaves, which is no longer considered cool. Otherwise, we’re thinking grounds for a ruling have been established. The Supremes could easily decide that Kavanaugh has the right to cram aged beef into his chipmunk cheeks in solitary bliss, with no nasty noisy outside protesters that wouldn’t even have a beer with him in college, probably, to disturb the Justice while he eats and drinks himself into a stupor. And, burping back the taste of Crème Brule in his throat, he has the right to emerge onto an empty street, with only a little tang of tear gas left in the air from when the cops emptied the neighborhood of protesters.
That’s how precedent works, people.
*Not an exact quote