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Nobody minds Halle Berry not being white.
There’s been a lot of talk lately about white genocide, and it had me worried, because I am white and I know what genocide is. If there is going to be some kind of Kristallnacht for all Caucasians, I know it could affect me, and I would be profoundly annoyed if someone slaughtered me out of existence just because I am white.
But after doing a little Googling, I relaxed. It turns out that the people who coined the phrase “white genocide” think it is happening when white girls go to rap concerts, and also by black actor Idris Elba being considered for the role of Agent 007, James Bond.
James Bond is not the first fictional character whose possible blackness has roiled the waters of racial harmony, at least as far as some white people are concerned. Megyn Kelly is famous for having proclaimed that Santa Claus is white, because the race of mythical creatures is a big controversy, especially on Fox News, and the fact that the main Santa at the Mall of America last Christmas was portrayed by a person of color was also proclaimed by some to be another example of white genocide. Why no one thought it was a racial War on Christmas, I cannot say.
Other imaginary beings, like the Easter Bunny, seem to be immune to racial controversy. Usually the Bunny is depicted as a nice chocolate brown, and people just don’t care. This is because the EB is not an imaginary human, so he falls under the General Law of Neighborly Prejudice, which is that while there are some people who worry deeply if they have a black neighbor, nobody cares if their neighbor has a black dog.
Jesus, who Megyn Kelly also stated was white, obviously was not covered under this statute. I personally believe that Jesus was white as well, because He lived in a part of the world that was populated in the Year Zero by mostly brown-skinned people with frizzy dark hair. Jesus having the straight blonde locks of a Northern European would account for Him having gaining such a large number of followers in such a short period of time. Most of them probably just wanted to touch His hair.
James Bond, unlike Santa Claus, who is only vital to young children and the cookie and diary industries, is an important imaginary symbol of the Free World. He is a national hero to Americans, even though he doesn’t, technically, work for this nation. James Bond routinely saves the world from evil techno-oligarchs, and does so despite being captured by them every time, because the world’s evil geniuses, while they are clever and motivated enough to entrap the entire globe in one implacable web of doom or another, are never smart enough to just shoot 007 the minute they see him. No, they always wad him into some hopeless predicament, like having to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded in the dark, with the cube being connected to the detonator on a dark energy bomb or a vat of plague germs or a laser big enough to burn fresh craters onto the moon.
Most of us would kiss our hineys good-bye at this point, but James Bond can’t do that, because Halle Berry is sitting on his lap. So, he solves the puzzle, defuses the bomb, destroys the evil geniuses and sexes Halle Berry and whatever other drop-dead gorgeous starlet that tries to get in his way and gets a medal from the Queen almost as an afterthought.
James Bond has saved the world from nuclear conflagration a half-dozen times or more and, let’s face it, a missile exchange between the US and Russia would wipe out a crap-ton of white people. You could almost call it white genocide. If a real-life James Bond appeared, and saved us from that, he would deserve the thanks of a grateful world.
And I’m pretty sure nobody would insist that he be white.
But after doing a little Googling, I relaxed. It turns out that the people who coined the phrase “white genocide” think it is happening when white girls go to rap concerts, and also by black actor Idris Elba being considered for the role of Agent 007, James Bond.
James Bond is not the first fictional character whose possible blackness has roiled the waters of racial harmony, at least as far as some white people are concerned. Megyn Kelly is famous for having proclaimed that Santa Claus is white, because the race of mythical creatures is a big controversy, especially on Fox News, and the fact that the main Santa at the Mall of America last Christmas was portrayed by a person of color was also proclaimed by some to be another example of white genocide. Why no one thought it was a racial War on Christmas, I cannot say.
Other imaginary beings, like the Easter Bunny, seem to be immune to racial controversy. Usually the Bunny is depicted as a nice chocolate brown, and people just don’t care. This is because the EB is not an imaginary human, so he falls under the General Law of Neighborly Prejudice, which is that while there are some people who worry deeply if they have a black neighbor, nobody cares if their neighbor has a black dog.
Jesus, who Megyn Kelly also stated was white, obviously was not covered under this statute. I personally believe that Jesus was white as well, because He lived in a part of the world that was populated in the Year Zero by mostly brown-skinned people with frizzy dark hair. Jesus having the straight blonde locks of a Northern European would account for Him having gaining such a large number of followers in such a short period of time. Most of them probably just wanted to touch His hair.
James Bond, unlike Santa Claus, who is only vital to young children and the cookie and diary industries, is an important imaginary symbol of the Free World. He is a national hero to Americans, even though he doesn’t, technically, work for this nation. James Bond routinely saves the world from evil techno-oligarchs, and does so despite being captured by them every time, because the world’s evil geniuses, while they are clever and motivated enough to entrap the entire globe in one implacable web of doom or another, are never smart enough to just shoot 007 the minute they see him. No, they always wad him into some hopeless predicament, like having to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded in the dark, with the cube being connected to the detonator on a dark energy bomb or a vat of plague germs or a laser big enough to burn fresh craters onto the moon.
Most of us would kiss our hineys good-bye at this point, but James Bond can’t do that, because Halle Berry is sitting on his lap. So, he solves the puzzle, defuses the bomb, destroys the evil geniuses and sexes Halle Berry and whatever other drop-dead gorgeous starlet that tries to get in his way and gets a medal from the Queen almost as an afterthought.
James Bond has saved the world from nuclear conflagration a half-dozen times or more and, let’s face it, a missile exchange between the US and Russia would wipe out a crap-ton of white people. You could almost call it white genocide. If a real-life James Bond appeared, and saved us from that, he would deserve the thanks of a grateful world.
And I’m pretty sure nobody would insist that he be white.
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