Look close enough and you can see them
Science marches on, and in many people's opinion, lies big-time while it is doing so. The latest controversy between scientists and their critics is about photos taken by the Mars Rover Curiosity, which is currently rolling around the Red Planet taking photos of everything it sees, like a hyperactive Asian tourist with a camera that costs more than an in-ground pool.
These photos are sent back to Earth, where they are published by NASA, and science-minded amateur researchers, sometimes referred to as "UFO nuts," go over them with magnifying glasses every night, presumably because they are people who have not yet discovered sex, drinking or cable television.
What these people have discovered is that NASA is either ignoring or lying about things they have found on Mars. Interestingly enough, many of these people also feel that NASA may have faked the moon landings back in the last century. So, in their minds, the space agency couldn't land people on the moon, so they prevaricated about doing that, but they can send spacecraft to Mars, which is about a hundred times further away, but once they get there, they promptly started lying to us about what they are discovering.
First, there was the crab. This is a six or seven legged crab, with two or three claws, depending on how you differentiate between legs and claws on Martian crabs. We don't want to hear any superior smirking from the critics out there on this issue, because Martian crab science is admittedly in its infancy. The crab is crawling up a rock, which many Earth crabs like to do, probably because they are sick of being immersed in salt water all the time, and want to see if they can get a little sun before they get picked off by a seagull.
This is not a worry for the Martian crab, because the closest ocean, not to mention seagull, is here on Earth. Which ocean and which seagull exactly is the nearest to the Martian crab at any given time depends on the rotation of the earth and the cruising altitude of said seagull, but you get my drift. Why the crab is bothering to crawl up a rock at all, then, remains one of the mysteries of space exploration.
A yet more exciting discovery is the woman on Mars. This is a fairly busty humanoid who has apparently thrown on a robe and a push-up bra to rush outside to see Curiosity trundle on by. Curiosity has a top speed of two centimeters per second, which is well short of Earth's informal standard for going fast, i.e., "hauling ass." Moreover, the rover stops every ten seconds to look around to see if it can proceed safely, like a 92-year old driver in a Walmart parking lot.
What can we infer from this? The Martian woman is bored out of her mind. She has been dusting and vacuuming her whole existence, because Mars is mostly dust and its atmosphere borders on a vacuum. Any break in the tedium of her life is an excuse to rush out of the house barely dressed.
Why is NASA lying to us about this? Obviously, they don't want us to realize that Mars is a planet rich with big-breasted women and free seafood, a virtual Indian casino in the sky, because then they would have to build a big fleet of space buses to haul us there, and that would break their budget.
Why? They're still paying Hollywood for faking that moon landing is my bet.
These photos are sent back to Earth, where they are published by NASA, and science-minded amateur researchers, sometimes referred to as "UFO nuts," go over them with magnifying glasses every night, presumably because they are people who have not yet discovered sex, drinking or cable television.
What these people have discovered is that NASA is either ignoring or lying about things they have found on Mars. Interestingly enough, many of these people also feel that NASA may have faked the moon landings back in the last century. So, in their minds, the space agency couldn't land people on the moon, so they prevaricated about doing that, but they can send spacecraft to Mars, which is about a hundred times further away, but once they get there, they promptly started lying to us about what they are discovering.
First, there was the crab. This is a six or seven legged crab, with two or three claws, depending on how you differentiate between legs and claws on Martian crabs. We don't want to hear any superior smirking from the critics out there on this issue, because Martian crab science is admittedly in its infancy. The crab is crawling up a rock, which many Earth crabs like to do, probably because they are sick of being immersed in salt water all the time, and want to see if they can get a little sun before they get picked off by a seagull.
This is not a worry for the Martian crab, because the closest ocean, not to mention seagull, is here on Earth. Which ocean and which seagull exactly is the nearest to the Martian crab at any given time depends on the rotation of the earth and the cruising altitude of said seagull, but you get my drift. Why the crab is bothering to crawl up a rock at all, then, remains one of the mysteries of space exploration.
A yet more exciting discovery is the woman on Mars. This is a fairly busty humanoid who has apparently thrown on a robe and a push-up bra to rush outside to see Curiosity trundle on by. Curiosity has a top speed of two centimeters per second, which is well short of Earth's informal standard for going fast, i.e., "hauling ass." Moreover, the rover stops every ten seconds to look around to see if it can proceed safely, like a 92-year old driver in a Walmart parking lot.
What can we infer from this? The Martian woman is bored out of her mind. She has been dusting and vacuuming her whole existence, because Mars is mostly dust and its atmosphere borders on a vacuum. Any break in the tedium of her life is an excuse to rush out of the house barely dressed.
Why is NASA lying to us about this? Obviously, they don't want us to realize that Mars is a planet rich with big-breasted women and free seafood, a virtual Indian casino in the sky, because then they would have to build a big fleet of space buses to haul us there, and that would break their budget.
Why? They're still paying Hollywood for faking that moon landing is my bet.
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