The Wisconsin State Attorney's office has announced that it is pushing for the authority to imprison Wisconsites who go out of the state to smoke legal marijuana.
"It's based on our gay marriage law*," said a spokesman for the office. "As you know, Wisconsin, besides forbidding gay marriage or anything that looks like gay marriage, reserves the right to prosecute gay Wisconsinians who go to some state where gay marriage is legal, get all hitched up and return to Wisconsin expecting to get off scot-free. They're mighty surprised when we toss them in the pokey. The same thing is going to happen to Wisconsin potheads who cruise over to Colorado for some legal ganja. They're going to pay the same price as they would if they got caught with baggie in Green Bay."
That sounds extraordinarily unconstitutional.
"Don't give me that unconstitutional nonsense. What's more important, individual rights or making sure our citizens obey Wisconsin law, wherever they are? Look at how successful our laws have been in suppressing gay marriage. Ordinary, normal Wisconsin folks, as they go about their daily business of buying some more Packers' gear or trapping muskrats, aren't being offended by a lot of gays calling themselves "Mr. and Mr." or having their cows frightened by big, noisy gay wedding receptions in the next barn over. Sure, some married gays might be sneaking across the border, but hopefully they're living in constant fear of being found out, waiting in dread for that knock on their door in the middle of the night, because we'd rather they were doing that then having gay sex."
And Wisconsin weed aficionados can look forward to being treated the same way when they return from getting their Rocky Mountain high on?
"Damn straight. If we find out you've been getting baked anywhere where it's legal, be it Colorado, Washington or Uruguay, Wisconsin justice is going to come down on you like a drone missile strike on an Afghan birthday party. If it ain't right in Wisconsin, it ain't right anywhere. Once we get the out-of-state pot task force organized, we're going after other people who go out of state to get up to no good. People who go to France and eat cheese, for example. That offends many Wisconsinallians. We figure you don't need to go to some foreign place to get your Gouda. But eating cheese is legal in Wisconsin, so we're not going to put them in jail. But we are going to make them pay Wisconsin cheese taxes on every crumb of cheese they eat in Paris. So if you got plans to fly to Frogland and hit the cheese hard, we advise you to expect a hefty bill when you get back."
So, for example, I would need a Wisconsin ice-fishing license if I went to Hawaii and decided to do some ice-fishing?
"My God, I hadn't even thought of that, but it's a stroke. It burns me up to think of all those people thumbing their noses at Wisconsin Fish and Game by going ice-fishing instead of hula dancing. We'll put that on the front burner. Thanks, dude. Are you from some kind of think tank?"
*A (Wisconsin) statute provides that residents who contract a marriage in another jurisdiction that would be prohibited within Wisconsin can be fined up to $10,000 and/or imprisoned for up to 9 months. (From Wikipedia)
"It's based on our gay marriage law*," said a spokesman for the office. "As you know, Wisconsin, besides forbidding gay marriage or anything that looks like gay marriage, reserves the right to prosecute gay Wisconsinians who go to some state where gay marriage is legal, get all hitched up and return to Wisconsin expecting to get off scot-free. They're mighty surprised when we toss them in the pokey. The same thing is going to happen to Wisconsin potheads who cruise over to Colorado for some legal ganja. They're going to pay the same price as they would if they got caught with baggie in Green Bay."
That sounds extraordinarily unconstitutional.
"Don't give me that unconstitutional nonsense. What's more important, individual rights or making sure our citizens obey Wisconsin law, wherever they are? Look at how successful our laws have been in suppressing gay marriage. Ordinary, normal Wisconsin folks, as they go about their daily business of buying some more Packers' gear or trapping muskrats, aren't being offended by a lot of gays calling themselves "Mr. and Mr." or having their cows frightened by big, noisy gay wedding receptions in the next barn over. Sure, some married gays might be sneaking across the border, but hopefully they're living in constant fear of being found out, waiting in dread for that knock on their door in the middle of the night, because we'd rather they were doing that then having gay sex."
And Wisconsin weed aficionados can look forward to being treated the same way when they return from getting their Rocky Mountain high on?
"Damn straight. If we find out you've been getting baked anywhere where it's legal, be it Colorado, Washington or Uruguay, Wisconsin justice is going to come down on you like a drone missile strike on an Afghan birthday party. If it ain't right in Wisconsin, it ain't right anywhere. Once we get the out-of-state pot task force organized, we're going after other people who go out of state to get up to no good. People who go to France and eat cheese, for example. That offends many Wisconsinallians. We figure you don't need to go to some foreign place to get your Gouda. But eating cheese is legal in Wisconsin, so we're not going to put them in jail. But we are going to make them pay Wisconsin cheese taxes on every crumb of cheese they eat in Paris. So if you got plans to fly to Frogland and hit the cheese hard, we advise you to expect a hefty bill when you get back."
So, for example, I would need a Wisconsin ice-fishing license if I went to Hawaii and decided to do some ice-fishing?
"My God, I hadn't even thought of that, but it's a stroke. It burns me up to think of all those people thumbing their noses at Wisconsin Fish and Game by going ice-fishing instead of hula dancing. We'll put that on the front burner. Thanks, dude. Are you from some kind of think tank?"
*A (Wisconsin) statute provides that residents who contract a marriage in another jurisdiction that would be prohibited within Wisconsin can be fined up to $10,000 and/or imprisoned for up to 9 months. (From Wikipedia)
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