Much has been made of the fact that Josh Hawley, the junior prick from Missouri, was the lone Senator to vote against an Asian hate crime bill recently, leaving the distinct impression that he doesn’t think hating Asians should be a crime.
Of course, he didn’t say that—he said the statute was “too broad.” What he meant by this is tough to say. Is it okay to hate Chinese but a crime to hate Filipinos? Ask the Senator, if you get a chance.
What Hawley was really trying to do was be the biggest dick in the Senate, on the theory that America wants the next Republican nominee for President to be an enormous asswipe, and there already is a Senator who is a humongo douche who’s dying to be that nominee. I speak, of course, of Ted “Cancun” Cruz. Cruz has inspired scorn from both sides of the aisle. John Boehner, ex-Speaker of the House, said recently of Cruz, "Lucifer in the flesh...I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life."
From the Democratic side, Al Franken once wrote, "I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz."
So, Hawley has a big hill to climb, and he made giant strides up it the other day by voting to tolerate hate crimes against Asians. Even Cruz voted that maiming or murdering someone simply because they were Asian was not even remotely cool. Hawley fancies that he is positioning himself at the head of the field by being an even more remarkable dickhead than the rest of the Republicans.
He may be right. Certainly, the most obtuse peckerhead in American history to gain the Oval Office just finished filling out his single term, and Republicans still love him. They’d even love to nominate him again, according to polls. They may not get the chance too, though, because Trump may succumb to a richly deserved criminal conviction or a similarly well-deserved stroke before 2024 rolls around.
If that happens, the Republican with the richest history of shitbaggery may well snag the nomination. Hawley is young and new at the game. He is handsome, in a pale, probably-has-a-small-penis kind of way, but he has to make his mark quickly against more seasoned slimeballs so he can stand out against the competition, which is likely to include Mike “How About You Mow My Lawn, Ambassador” Pompeo, Chris “Fuck Them People on That Bridge” Christie, Ron “Death Sentence” DeSantis, and the aforementioned “Cancun.”
So, Hawley is sending out a message that is bold, clear and easily understood and appreciated by the Republican base. That message is I only give a crap about white people.
Republicans might as well put that in their platform.
Of course, he didn’t say that—he said the statute was “too broad.” What he meant by this is tough to say. Is it okay to hate Chinese but a crime to hate Filipinos? Ask the Senator, if you get a chance.
What Hawley was really trying to do was be the biggest dick in the Senate, on the theory that America wants the next Republican nominee for President to be an enormous asswipe, and there already is a Senator who is a humongo douche who’s dying to be that nominee. I speak, of course, of Ted “Cancun” Cruz. Cruz has inspired scorn from both sides of the aisle. John Boehner, ex-Speaker of the House, said recently of Cruz, "Lucifer in the flesh...I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life."
From the Democratic side, Al Franken once wrote, "I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz."
So, Hawley has a big hill to climb, and he made giant strides up it the other day by voting to tolerate hate crimes against Asians. Even Cruz voted that maiming or murdering someone simply because they were Asian was not even remotely cool. Hawley fancies that he is positioning himself at the head of the field by being an even more remarkable dickhead than the rest of the Republicans.
He may be right. Certainly, the most obtuse peckerhead in American history to gain the Oval Office just finished filling out his single term, and Republicans still love him. They’d even love to nominate him again, according to polls. They may not get the chance too, though, because Trump may succumb to a richly deserved criminal conviction or a similarly well-deserved stroke before 2024 rolls around.
If that happens, the Republican with the richest history of shitbaggery may well snag the nomination. Hawley is young and new at the game. He is handsome, in a pale, probably-has-a-small-penis kind of way, but he has to make his mark quickly against more seasoned slimeballs so he can stand out against the competition, which is likely to include Mike “How About You Mow My Lawn, Ambassador” Pompeo, Chris “Fuck Them People on That Bridge” Christie, Ron “Death Sentence” DeSantis, and the aforementioned “Cancun.”
So, Hawley is sending out a message that is bold, clear and easily understood and appreciated by the Republican base. That message is I only give a crap about white people.
Republicans might as well put that in their platform.
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