As pundits chime in on President Obama's claim to "shoot skeet all the time" at Camp David and Tennessee Representative Marsha Blackburn made headlines for publicly challenging Obama to a skeet-shooting contest, other notable Republicans have sprang up to challenge Obama's abilities in a plethora of tests of skill and strength. Below, just a sampling of the gloves thrown down to the shotgun-wielding Prez:
CONGRESSMAN PAUL RYAN--ALTAR BOY CONTEST: "I'll have finished the whole Mass and be back in the sacristy taking surreptitious slugs of the Communion wine before he's figured out which end of the robe goes over his head. I can kiss more old Catholic ladies any day of the week, too. Take your pick, O-dog."
ANN ROMNEY, WIFE OF DEFEATED CANDIDATE MITT ROMNEY--DRESSAGE: "I, of course, was an Olympic competitor in this pastime of the horsey set. I'll leave Obama looking like that broken, helpless lawn jockey some vandals knocked over in our driveway one Halloween at our house in New Hampshire. Or was it the place in Michigan?"
DICK CHENEY, EX VICE-PRESIDENT--WATER BOARDING: "I get to go first."
DONALD TRUMP, REPUBLICAN ABOUT TOWN--TWEETING AND DRINKING MATCH: "First, we do a shot. Then we tweet something. Then we do another shot. Then we tweet. First one to pass out or get his Twitter account closed loses."
JOHN MCCAIN, US SENATOR--RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT: —" I'll pick a middle-aged broad with decent gams for my VP and we'll kick his ass." When reminded he had already done that, the Senator said, "I don't know then. Parcheesi, I guess."
CLARENCE THOMAS, SUPREME COURT JUSTICE--BARBECUE COOK-OFF: "His Hawaiian ass can't barbecue for squat is what I'm guessing. The meat on my famous ribs will be levitating off the bones while he's still trying to get his pig wrapped in banana leaves. If I win, we get to swap wives."
CONGRESSWOMAN MICHELE BACHMANN--ICE-FISHING IN MINNESOTA:"That, or having more blood relatives that know how to cook crystal meth. Either way, you're going down, Obongo!"
CHRIS CHRISTIE, GOVERNOR OF NEW JERSEY--EATING PIZZA WITH WEIRD TOPPINGS DUEL: "You name it. Calamari. Water chestnuts. Scrapple. Seaweed. Mulch. Dead hummingbirds. Put it on a pizza and I can eat it. I'll even let him make his pizza Chicago style. I'll take him out like Sandy took out Asbury Park."
ANN COULTER, PUNDIT, WITCH--BEING FLAT OUT MEAN, VICIOUS AND COMPLETELY INDIFFERENT TO HUMAN LIFE COMPETITION: "To anybody we want to. And we both get to use armed Predator drones, not just him."
MITCH MCCONNELL, US SENATOR--MICHELIN MAN LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST: "I got the round specs, I got the multiple chins, I got the fat rolls. I got the pasty complexion. Bring it on, you skinny dark bastard."
THE BIG NEWS!
PINEAPPLE CRUSH, my second hard-boiled mystery novel, has been released as of October 12th, 2017 by Black Rose Writing. You can order here and on Amazon
To read Chapter One, click here
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