Immediately the White House started proclaiming the cancellation as evidence of its plans to wall off Mexico being the correct one. “Who knows what Nieto would have done when he came here? Sure, he might not be a rapist, but he could easily have ended up taking the job of an American politician,” said chubby-faced mouthpiece Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “You know how Mexicans are.”
When questioned about the rumor that Trump had hung up on Nieto because Nieto refused to agree to put a few pesos towards his wall, and Trump feared embarrassment, Sanders replied, “This President is too brave to fear embarrassment. After all, he’s not afraid to pay off porn stars he’s slept with, hire wife-beaters to articulate his foreign policy, or play golf and watch TV while leaving his daily intelligence briefings lie around like a bunch of expired flyers from Home Depot.”
Asked about Trump’s plans to overcome Nieto’s ix-naying a Mexico-funded wall, Sanders said, “Oh, we got plans, all right. First, a steady drumbeat of idle threats, like we always do, then a Twitter nickname for Nieto. We’ll see how he responds to ‘President of Shithole,’ or maybe ‘Enrique the Brown Guy.’ Or even ‘Liddle Tortilla.’ He’ll come running with his checkbook open.”
When reminded that insulting foreign leaders on Twitter had not produced any policy wins yet for Trump, and that building the wall and sending Nieto a bill for the project would likely result in him using it as a coaster for his margaritas, Huckabee replied, “Then we’ll blame it on the Democrats, the press, that witch-hunting Mueller, and maybe North Korea and Venezuela, too. Anybody but the Russians. That’s the way we roll.” She then closed the press conference with an impromptu neighing noise, and ate an apple out of Stephen Miller’s hand.