“Our great ‘Founders’ did not want, and would not condone, False and Fraudulent Elections!” Trump babbled.
The Founding Fathers had more in common with Trump than it appears on the surface. Many of them wore wigs, and they also had a penchant for random capitalization. A considerable number of them owned slaves, which Trump, by accident of his modern birth, cannot, although the smart money is that he would dearly want to, especially when his bipolar Nazi pals shoot their mouths off at Mar al Lago.
But, hey, the FF’s are dead. It’s Trump’s misfortune that they never invented the position of Secretary of Ignoring the Constitution, which would have been ably filled by Michael Flynn. The Office of Installing People in Office Anyway After They Lost would be a perfect slot for Mike Lindell. Kari Lake needs work now, and the head of the Task Force for Re-Running Elections When You Don’t Like the Way They Came Out would suit her just fine.
Herschel Walker, if he loses his mush-brained bid to sit in the Senate, could still serve as the Commissioner to Find Extra Votes in Georgia. If Aileen Cannon could be persuaded to give up her lifetime appointment as Trump’s personal federal judge, she would make a perfect High Declarer of Rightful Winners.
Unfortunately for Trump, the authors of the Constitution did not create these offices, and the inscribers of the 27 amendments to it that came afterwards didn’t think of them, either. He’s stuck without a Czar of Do-Overs. He’s crapping in his pants like Putin because he’s no longer facing off against Merrick Garland, who comes across as a humorless college professor whom everybody in his department secretly hates. Not a guy you’d like to have a beer with, but still, not a guy utterly without mercy. Instead, he must do battle with Jack Smith, who, if he threw on some leather and chain mail, would look like an executioner on Game of Thrones.
Off with his head, Jack. Off with his head.