“It’s what he used to do to people he didn’t like before there was Twitter,” said large land animal Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “The President has plainly expressed his desire to have the Russian probe finished up with a nice exoneration of him personally by Christmas. Mueller has ignored him. Therefore, the President decided that Mueller can spend the day cleaning up his yard instead of indicting and prosecuting people that the President has already fired and whom he barely knows.”
When asked if the toilet-papering had been prompted by last Friday’s guilty plea by once National Security Advisor and former full-time Trump campaign bro Michael Flynn, Huckabee deflected the question by describing the actions of Seal Team Six. “Each member of the squad was armed with twelve double rolls of Charmin, purchased at a Wal-Mart whose location must remain undisclosed for security reasons. Stealth and silence were the order of the day. Quickly and efficiently, in a pinpoint strike, team members lobbed their armaments over the Special Counsel’s roof, trees, vehicles and adjacent shrubberies. No civilians were harmed. There was a friendly fire incident—one Seal accidently tp-ed another Seal, but these things happen in the fog of war. The injured man was evacuated to a field hospital and is expected to fully recover.”
Asked how this new special forces skill might be applied in other conflicts, Huckabee replied, "Three words. Kim Jong Un."