While all the world leaders are gathering at the UN this week to try to do something about global warming, an issue that will eventually affect every single human alive, Trump was left the orange oddball out because he is going to attend a sidebar on religious persecution instead.
This column, of course, is in favor of persecuting all religions, but equally, liking making them all pay taxes and maybe print disclaimers on their holy books and hymnals. Something like “The material within may be entirely based on hallucinations experienced by various long-dead schizophrenics, and has been used throughout history mostly to justify wars, the power of both hereditary and elected leaders, and to get people to quit playing with themselves.”
That would be nice. But species loss and Florida becoming a series of islands much resembling the Bahamas are more important problems than making people quit wapping each other with Bibles and Qurans. We will have religious persecution as long as we have religion, because it fills the burning human need to think of each other mutually as disgusting misguided perverts who are going to Hell.
But we could fix global warming, as long as everyone agrees and works together selflessly to stop it. All right, so we can’t. But we ought to at least try, so when the entire planet feels like standing in front of a pizza oven in July, our descendants can parcel out the blame precisely, when they are not fighting savage wars over dwindling resources.
Religious persecution will have bright future then, because “Kill the unbelievers!” sounds much more noble than “Slaughter our neighbors so we can grab their land!”
In the meantime, while Trump craps on the environment, his Secretary of Education, Betsy “Holy Roller” DeVos is threatening to withhold funds from the Consortium for Middle East Studies in North Carolina for not portraying Christianity and Judaism “in a more positive light,” as opposed to Islam, which is the religion of about 95% of everybody in the Middle East. The Muslims have had their way in the Middle East since Mohammed wrote their holy book. Sure, they’ve kept pockets of Jews, along with Bahia’s, Druze and Denisovans* to pick on when they weren’t slugging it out Shia vs. Sunni, but they have basically owned that real estate, except when some Christians put on armor, grabbed spears and tried to get it from them.
So, that’s pretty much it. The Jews spread out all over the world from the Middle East, searching for pogrom-free neighborhoods to live in; the Christians in Middle Eastern history pretty much stayed in Europe, burning books containing the wisdom of ancient Greece and Rome as heresies while the Muslims kept that knowledge alive. And made some dope mosaics as well.
Isn’t that positive enough?
*Not a religion, but a species of extinct hominids. Fucking Google spoils all the fun.
This column, of course, is in favor of persecuting all religions, but equally, liking making them all pay taxes and maybe print disclaimers on their holy books and hymnals. Something like “The material within may be entirely based on hallucinations experienced by various long-dead schizophrenics, and has been used throughout history mostly to justify wars, the power of both hereditary and elected leaders, and to get people to quit playing with themselves.”
That would be nice. But species loss and Florida becoming a series of islands much resembling the Bahamas are more important problems than making people quit wapping each other with Bibles and Qurans. We will have religious persecution as long as we have religion, because it fills the burning human need to think of each other mutually as disgusting misguided perverts who are going to Hell.
But we could fix global warming, as long as everyone agrees and works together selflessly to stop it. All right, so we can’t. But we ought to at least try, so when the entire planet feels like standing in front of a pizza oven in July, our descendants can parcel out the blame precisely, when they are not fighting savage wars over dwindling resources.
Religious persecution will have bright future then, because “Kill the unbelievers!” sounds much more noble than “Slaughter our neighbors so we can grab their land!”
In the meantime, while Trump craps on the environment, his Secretary of Education, Betsy “Holy Roller” DeVos is threatening to withhold funds from the Consortium for Middle East Studies in North Carolina for not portraying Christianity and Judaism “in a more positive light,” as opposed to Islam, which is the religion of about 95% of everybody in the Middle East. The Muslims have had their way in the Middle East since Mohammed wrote their holy book. Sure, they’ve kept pockets of Jews, along with Bahia’s, Druze and Denisovans* to pick on when they weren’t slugging it out Shia vs. Sunni, but they have basically owned that real estate, except when some Christians put on armor, grabbed spears and tried to get it from them.
So, that’s pretty much it. The Jews spread out all over the world from the Middle East, searching for pogrom-free neighborhoods to live in; the Christians in Middle Eastern history pretty much stayed in Europe, burning books containing the wisdom of ancient Greece and Rome as heresies while the Muslims kept that knowledge alive. And made some dope mosaics as well.
Isn’t that positive enough?
*Not a religion, but a species of extinct hominids. Fucking Google spoils all the fun.
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