“We don’t really believe this Administration is going to become substantially more normal; less dysfunctional; less unpredictable; less faction riven; less diplomatically clumsy and inept.”
Trump hit the roof when the cables leaked, although they were never supposed to have and Darroch did not go full Rex Tillerson on him and simply say, “He’s a fucking moron,” although he could have—diplomatic cables are the equivalent of talking shit behind your neighbor’s back—you can be as honest as you want—“She’s a hoebag”—but you sure don’t want her finding out you think that—and declared he would have no further dealings with the representative of America’s most important ally.
Darroch was just doing his job—did Trump expect leaked diplomatic cables saying, “He’s the bigliest President ever?” but Trump couldn’t restrain himself and accused Darroch of being a “pompous fool.”
This, coming from Donald Trump, a man who knows pompous foolery like he knows the tip of his own mushroom, should be a devastating enough comeback that Darroch should be getting a coach class ticket back to Heathrow at any minute, but if the Brits don’t haul him back by the end of the weekend, here’s a few more suggestions in the same vein that Trump can toss at the hapless diplomat:
“He has the most unnatural skin tone.”
“The guy spends more time playing golf than ambassadoring.”
“People tell me he’s totally besties with a bunch of pedophiles.”
“I hear he wants to make his daughter the next Ambassador.”
“Darroch needs to lose a little weight, if you ask me.”
“You think London would send us somebody who can speak in complete sentences.”
“People who know him say every word out of his mouth is bullshit.”
“What gets on my nerves is the guy always referring to himself in the third person.”
“You’d think a man in his position would know a little bit about history.”
“Talk about a thin-skinned old bastard!”
But I’m sure Trump will get to those points in future Tweets. In the current one, though, in addition to accusing the British Ambassador of being a self-serving narcissist, he also mentioned, “the USA now has the best Economy & Military anywhere in the World, by far…and they are both only getting bigger, better and stronger...Thank you, Mr. President!”
Of course, Trump might not deserve all the credit for US military and economic superiority. That’s been going on for a while.
Since about 1946, say, the year Trump was born. He apparently thinks he’s been Making America Great since he shit in his first diaper.
The biggest, most beautiful poop. In the best diaper.
Author's note: Darroch was forced to resign yesterday and is probably winging it back to the UK as you read this.