Instead of going to Disney World to celebrate another one of his team's interminable string of championships, Kraft decided to get his noodle yanked by a foreign sex worker.
Police in Jupiter, Florida arrested the filthy rich old bastard on the basis of videotaped evidence, which raises the question of where a barely dressed immigrant prostitute conceals a video camera anyway, and also reminds us that there are plenty of sex tapes out there that nobody but Robert Mueller wants to watch.
Trump’s reaction was muted. “It’s sad,” he said, despite the fact that the police video shows there was, indeed, a happy ending. “Build the Wall!” he added, pointlessly, then went into an extended mumble about how his Administration was totally against imaginary sex trafficking, which he described as M-13 duct-taping teenage girls’ mouths shut, frog-walking them through the desert, forcing them into a truck bound for California, there to be pawed at by Democrats. None of that has yet to be captured on video.
The Chinese sex slaves, however, had been granted temporary work visas. Their pimps told them they were going to be working at Mar al Lago, then when they landed in Miami, having flown high above the proposed Wall, confiscated their passports and forced them to grope geriatric Republican crotch.
At week’s end, Trump was said to be still concerned about his pal’s legal fate. He was overheard late at night questioning a bust of Lincoln, “Hey, Abe, why shouldn’t a septuagenarian billionaire be able to find a foreign prostitute thirty or fifty years younger than him, who really knows how to give him a chubby, and bring her into the country? It’s not fair! I mean, isn’t that why you fought the Civil War?”
Then he snapped his tiny fingers. “Abe, I know how I’ll get Bob off the hook! I got two words for that Chinese tart—GENIUS VISA!”