At a press conference, Trump endorsed Vladimir Putin for President of Russia. "I met him at Davos a few years ago. I decided right then that he's the kind of pushy ex-Communist megalomaniac I can get behind."
Putin, who's been having electoral problems of his own, accepted the Trump endorsement eagerly. "I am liking the Donald," he said. "He reminds me of good-old-fashioned Russian oligarch, with big hair and bad mouth."
When asked if he really meant bad hair and big mouth, the inscrutable Putin scowled and ordered a policeman to kick his own dog and had a Chechnyen newspaper boy arrested.
Trump also endorsed Fidel Castro as Supreme Leader in Cuba. "Let's face it, it wouldn't be Cuba without Fidel. The guy is more than just another old geek that reeks of rum and cigar smoke. People try to swim from Cuba to Florida on account of this man. That says something powerful to me. As soon as Mitt lifts that decrepit old embargo, me and Fidel are breaking ground for Trump Towers Havana."
Castro, who recently proved that his aged mind was still razor-sharp by publicly noting that all of the Republican candidates in this year's election are idiots, was unavailable for comment, as he was undergoing a lung removal at a Havana hospital.
Trump also endorsed Brad Pitt for Angelina Jolie's husband. "What, they got nine kids or so, and a house together? Let's tie the knot, buddy. Are you're starting to think, hey, maybe I don't like 'em quite so tattooed and spooky? Llittle late for that, bro."
Trump also got behind the Arabic numeral system. "At first, I thought whoa, hold on. If we start using Arabic numerals, can sharia law be far behind? They don't belong in America! But now that I've seen that they're the same numbers we've been using all along, I'm for them. If we changed numbers, how could I add up my money? I'd be like everybody else…I couldn't figure out whether I was worth paying attention to, either."