After admitting Obama was born in the United States on Friday, Presidential candidate Donald Trump went on an admitting spree, confirming numerous things about himself that had been long suspected, but Trump had not formally confirmed. Here are a few of the items he confessed to over the weekend:
Despite the famous picture of him with one, he doesn’t eat or enjoy taco bowls, saying, “I don’t like to think of brown fingers touching my meat.”
Takes saunas together with running mate Mike Pence. Both pretend to be members of the Soprano crime family while doing so.
Before becoming President of Russia, Vladimir Putin flunked out of Trump University.
Offered to let Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi sleep with Melania in order to get investigation halted, but she insisted on cash.
Compared penis size backstage with Doctor Oz.
Doesn’t flush. Has someone who does that for him.
Okay for him to pat Ivanka on the hiney, because he’s not her real father, Michael Bloomberg is.
Bill Clinton has always had a standing offer to swap wives with him, no matter who he was married to.
His sons go on hunting trips with Osama Bin Laden’s kids.
Proud of being the first person to have the insult “douchebag” applied to him, in 1977.
Has to use gigantic “old person” keyboard to Tweet insults because he refuses to wear reading glasses.
Sheets from his hotels make the best Klan robes.
Has pants put on one leg at a time by trained manservant.
Only wears any pair of socks once, then donates them to Trump Foundation for tax purposes without washing them.
Eats pizza with knife and fork because his fingers are too short to grab an average slice.
Can only sustain an erection if he’s wearing his favorite pair of feetie pajamas.
Said “I’ll show you my tax returns if you show me your boobies,” to Hannah Davis when he and Derek Jeter were on a double date.
Between him and Donald Jr., he's lost count of the number of abortions he’s paid for.
Nicknamed “Duck” by high school bullies.
Got out of the draft during Vietnam by wearing ballet shoes to his physical.
Most of his hair is made in China.
Despite the famous picture of him with one, he doesn’t eat or enjoy taco bowls, saying, “I don’t like to think of brown fingers touching my meat.”
Takes saunas together with running mate Mike Pence. Both pretend to be members of the Soprano crime family while doing so.
Before becoming President of Russia, Vladimir Putin flunked out of Trump University.
Offered to let Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi sleep with Melania in order to get investigation halted, but she insisted on cash.
Compared penis size backstage with Doctor Oz.
Doesn’t flush. Has someone who does that for him.
Okay for him to pat Ivanka on the hiney, because he’s not her real father, Michael Bloomberg is.
Bill Clinton has always had a standing offer to swap wives with him, no matter who he was married to.
His sons go on hunting trips with Osama Bin Laden’s kids.
Proud of being the first person to have the insult “douchebag” applied to him, in 1977.
Has to use gigantic “old person” keyboard to Tweet insults because he refuses to wear reading glasses.
Sheets from his hotels make the best Klan robes.
Has pants put on one leg at a time by trained manservant.
Only wears any pair of socks once, then donates them to Trump Foundation for tax purposes without washing them.
Eats pizza with knife and fork because his fingers are too short to grab an average slice.
Can only sustain an erection if he’s wearing his favorite pair of feetie pajamas.
Said “I’ll show you my tax returns if you show me your boobies,” to Hannah Davis when he and Derek Jeter were on a double date.
Between him and Donald Jr., he's lost count of the number of abortions he’s paid for.
Nicknamed “Duck” by high school bullies.
Got out of the draft during Vietnam by wearing ballet shoes to his physical.
Most of his hair is made in China.
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