Secretary of Transportation Eileen “Me and Mitch Got Ours, Baby” Chao announced that her department was taking bids on a new bus that the White House could throw people under to save itself from the Ukraine scandal.
“Because, you know, if you think the Universe is expanding, you need to check out that Ukraine deal. The bus we had was left over from the Obama days, so naturally it’s the worst possible bus. Totally feckless set of mass transportation wheels. Barely enough space to throw a few lawyers and Cabinet members underneath it. Giuliani's will probably be the last corpse we can stuff under it. Obama hardly ever started it up, so the rings are shot and the tires are out of round.
“The new bus will be nearly two hundred feet long and have seventeen axles. There’s room to throw the entire State Department and both houses of Congress underneath it if that’s what it takes to get clear of this Ukraine thing. It’s being built on an emergency basis by the same folks that build our aircraft carriers, which accounts for the $1.2 billion price tag, but it’s well worth it. Even chubby Cabinet members like Mike Pompeo and Bill Barr will squash underneath it easily, when it’s their turn to get fed to its wheels to keep Trump from getting impeached.
“It’s true, we’re taking emergency funds from the emergency funds we already took for the Wall, but there’s a bright side—after Trump gets re-elected, we’re going to cram that bus full of deportable veterans, Dreamers and kids with cancer and send it flying to the Mexican border every week. We’re going to call it the Deportation Dozer.”
“Because, you know, if you think the Universe is expanding, you need to check out that Ukraine deal. The bus we had was left over from the Obama days, so naturally it’s the worst possible bus. Totally feckless set of mass transportation wheels. Barely enough space to throw a few lawyers and Cabinet members underneath it. Giuliani's will probably be the last corpse we can stuff under it. Obama hardly ever started it up, so the rings are shot and the tires are out of round.
“The new bus will be nearly two hundred feet long and have seventeen axles. There’s room to throw the entire State Department and both houses of Congress underneath it if that’s what it takes to get clear of this Ukraine thing. It’s being built on an emergency basis by the same folks that build our aircraft carriers, which accounts for the $1.2 billion price tag, but it’s well worth it. Even chubby Cabinet members like Mike Pompeo and Bill Barr will squash underneath it easily, when it’s their turn to get fed to its wheels to keep Trump from getting impeached.
“It’s true, we’re taking emergency funds from the emergency funds we already took for the Wall, but there’s a bright side—after Trump gets re-elected, we’re going to cram that bus full of deportable veterans, Dreamers and kids with cancer and send it flying to the Mexican border every week. We’re going to call it the Deportation Dozer.”
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