The mainstream media keeps making a fuss about things President Trump keeps saying he believes, things that are obviously not true, like millions of illegals voting for Hillary Clinton and that the US murder rate is at its highest ever.
Possibly, if you’re part of Trump’s inner circle, you’re worried that the most powerful man in the world doesn’t have much of a grip on reality, but you can have fun with it, too. Here are the top ten yarns spun to Trump by his confidantes just for the lulz:
IVANKA TRUMP: Claimed she invented yoga pants but somehow got screwed out of the patent. Needs to sue somebody, soon.
SEAN SPICER: Confided that Melissa McCarthy once approached him and said she was DTF. He turned her down and that’s why she’s such an a-hole to him.
MIKE PENCE: Said that he has x-ray vision like Superman, but doesn’t use it to look under people’s clothes because of his Christian faith.
MELANIA: Insists he’s Barron’s real father.
IVANA TRUMP: Both his sons are so ugly because he forced sex on her while she was pregnant.
BETSY DEVOS: All winter she sleeps under the hide of a grizzly bear that she killed herself, using a #2 pencil.
JARED KUSHNER: Told his father-in-law that because he is President, Mexico already pays for all of his dry cleaning and car washes.
STEVE BANNON: Says the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appeared to him one night when he woke up at his West Wing desk with his face in the ashtray and an empty whiskey bottle in his hand, and told him the Emancipation Proclamation was “a huge misunderstanding.”
REINCE PRIEBUS: Pretended the “nuclear football” was actually a football, and gave Trump an NFL regulation one with “Nuclear” printed on it to keep on his person at all times. Constantly invites him out to the White House lawn to “toss it around.”
PAUL RYAN: Claimed in confidence that the House of Representatives has the statutory power to repossess all the big screen TV’s in the White House to pay for Social Security.
VLADIMIR PUTIN: “I deleted all those videos.”
Possibly, if you’re part of Trump’s inner circle, you’re worried that the most powerful man in the world doesn’t have much of a grip on reality, but you can have fun with it, too. Here are the top ten yarns spun to Trump by his confidantes just for the lulz:
IVANKA TRUMP: Claimed she invented yoga pants but somehow got screwed out of the patent. Needs to sue somebody, soon.
SEAN SPICER: Confided that Melissa McCarthy once approached him and said she was DTF. He turned her down and that’s why she’s such an a-hole to him.
MIKE PENCE: Said that he has x-ray vision like Superman, but doesn’t use it to look under people’s clothes because of his Christian faith.
MELANIA: Insists he’s Barron’s real father.
IVANA TRUMP: Both his sons are so ugly because he forced sex on her while she was pregnant.
BETSY DEVOS: All winter she sleeps under the hide of a grizzly bear that she killed herself, using a #2 pencil.
JARED KUSHNER: Told his father-in-law that because he is President, Mexico already pays for all of his dry cleaning and car washes.
STEVE BANNON: Says the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appeared to him one night when he woke up at his West Wing desk with his face in the ashtray and an empty whiskey bottle in his hand, and told him the Emancipation Proclamation was “a huge misunderstanding.”
REINCE PRIEBUS: Pretended the “nuclear football” was actually a football, and gave Trump an NFL regulation one with “Nuclear” printed on it to keep on his person at all times. Constantly invites him out to the White House lawn to “toss it around.”
PAUL RYAN: Claimed in confidence that the House of Representatives has the statutory power to repossess all the big screen TV’s in the White House to pay for Social Security.
VLADIMIR PUTIN: “I deleted all those videos.”
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