 Trump |  Beto |
Of all the thirty or so Democrats running to defeat him in 2020, Trump probably fears former Senate candidate Beto O’Rourke the most. Other Dems are better qualified. Other Dems are also white guys, although the two that poll the best are even more ancient than Trump. Other Dems have zero foreign policy cred, but then, so doesn’t Trump, and he’s been trying to have a foreign policy for more than two years now.
Trump doesn’t fear any of the lady Democrats. There’s no actual reason for this except he’s a misogynist cretin, but there it is. He doesn’t worry about Bernie because Bernie’s the only Dem with worse hair than him.
Trump probably doesn’t want to run against Biden, either, because Biden's better looking, but Beto’s better-looking and younger, so he's the one that gives Trump nightmares, because Trump is that kind of shallow bastard. Here’s ten other reasons why Beto would rule over Trump in 2020:
Trump doesn’t fear any of the lady Democrats. There’s no actual reason for this except he’s a misogynist cretin, but there it is. He doesn’t worry about Bernie because Bernie’s the only Dem with worse hair than him.
Trump probably doesn’t want to run against Biden, either, because Biden's better looking, but Beto’s better-looking and younger, so he's the one that gives Trump nightmares, because Trump is that kind of shallow bastard. Here’s ten other reasons why Beto would rule over Trump in 2020:
- Beto can jump up on lunch counters way better than Trump, who can barely crawl after a lost ball on a golf course. Why? Youth. And no bone spurs.
- Trump doesn’t drink. Beto’s been known to pound a brew or two, just like the rest of us. Beto’s even flunked a field sobriety test, whereas Trump only flunked out of Fordham.
- O’Rourke’s never picked a fight with a dead guy.
- Beto’s played guitar with Willie Nelson. Trump’s only played grab-ass with Kanye West.
- Beto’s penis has never been compared to a forest fungal growth.
- Skateboarding. Golf is so last century. America is ready for a President who can skateboard. Hell, the globe is ready for a Free World leader who can do an ollie. Kim Jong Un would give up his nukes in a heartbeat to a US President who could teach him how to do a heelflip.
- Mrs. Beto? Not an international prostitute!
- Would not be caught trying to get bogus security clearances for his kids, because they are all still in grade school.
- Beto is Ivanka’s secret dreamboat. She yearns to feel normal-sized hands on her body.
- Beto’s never had to celebrate not being indicted.
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