With the news that Pope Benedict XVI has commissioned his own cologne from famed Italian parfumier Silvana Casoli, the subject of making the Vicar of Christ on Earth smell better than your average old guy in a gown is now open to media speculation. A secret list obtained by this columnist of previous exclusively Papal perfumes, their ingredients and the occasions that the Pope wears them has been Wikileaked below:
"Celibesexy"--The Pope enjoys his solitude, but knows chicks dig him—nutmeg and almond lightly washed by a base of sacrificial lamb.
"Confession" -- For when the Pope wants to contemplate his own moral failings. A trace of gun oil and bootblack brushed across the sweetness of a Bavarian pine forest.
"Secret of the Synod" -- When the Pope wants to celebrate his ascension to the throne of Peter he wears this triumphal scent--musk, mothballed altar robes and the clean smell of white smoke.
"Big Popi"--The Pope knows he's a superstar. A Broadway blend of fennel, fresh lemon peel, and pointed hatband sweat suffused with a big apple background.
"Old Relic"-- He's number 265, so when the Pope wants to feel the richness of papal tradition he dabs this one on—myrrh, beeswax, freshly washed feet with a subtle undertone of roasted heretic.
"Holy Aqua-Velva" -- the Pope slaps himself awake in the morning with this blend of coriander, burning candles and light halitosis with a background of fresh Communion wafer.
"Censored"-- The Pope gets into authority-figure mode with this one—bright dashes of cucumber and citrus suspended in smoky frankincense.
"Indulgences"-- When the Pope wants to drop his dress and party. Grape and other fruity mid-tones pop out from the fresh linen fragrance of altar-boy underwear.
"Cardinal Sin"-- For those papal moments best forgotten. A top note of wine and tobacco gives way to a hint of chastising leather against a base of new latex.
"Infallible"-- The Pope's fave. Nothing can stop him when he dabs on this powerful cologne. Papal skullcap scent with mid-tones of medieval sepulcher contrast with Christ-on-earthy base notes of denned lion and feasting Romans.
"Celibesexy"--The Pope enjoys his solitude, but knows chicks dig him—nutmeg and almond lightly washed by a base of sacrificial lamb.
"Confession" -- For when the Pope wants to contemplate his own moral failings. A trace of gun oil and bootblack brushed across the sweetness of a Bavarian pine forest.
"Secret of the Synod" -- When the Pope wants to celebrate his ascension to the throne of Peter he wears this triumphal scent--musk, mothballed altar robes and the clean smell of white smoke.
"Big Popi"--The Pope knows he's a superstar. A Broadway blend of fennel, fresh lemon peel, and pointed hatband sweat suffused with a big apple background.
"Old Relic"-- He's number 265, so when the Pope wants to feel the richness of papal tradition he dabs this one on—myrrh, beeswax, freshly washed feet with a subtle undertone of roasted heretic.
"Holy Aqua-Velva" -- the Pope slaps himself awake in the morning with this blend of coriander, burning candles and light halitosis with a background of fresh Communion wafer.
"Censored"-- The Pope gets into authority-figure mode with this one—bright dashes of cucumber and citrus suspended in smoky frankincense.
"Indulgences"-- When the Pope wants to drop his dress and party. Grape and other fruity mid-tones pop out from the fresh linen fragrance of altar-boy underwear.
"Cardinal Sin"-- For those papal moments best forgotten. A top note of wine and tobacco gives way to a hint of chastising leather against a base of new latex.
"Infallible"-- The Pope's fave. Nothing can stop him when he dabs on this powerful cologne. Papal skullcap scent with mid-tones of medieval sepulcher contrast with Christ-on-earthy base notes of denned lion and feasting Romans.
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