Exchange of hairstyles has not been ruled out Well, the big summit is this week, and while Trump seems to have prepared for it no more than as if it was a random date from Plenty ‘o Fish, the question of what kind of gift he should present to chubby tyrant Kim Jong Un remains an urgent issue. Heads of state always give each other gifts at summits--Nixon got a panda once, and Obama got a set of ceremonial daggers. What Kim would give to Trump is unknown, but no doubt it will be one of North Korea’s leading exports—a box of dust, some leftover fissile material, or a malnourished infant.
Trump has a much broader range of gift options, but his advisors have narrowed it down to ten generous choices, one of which will be selected by the President himself. In no particular order, the candidates are:
A New York taxi medallion from Michael Cohen’s collection. Careers change, and many a high-ranking foreign dignitary has ended up driving cab in the Big Apple. Kim won’t have to miss a beat if he has to flee into exile because North Koreans finally tire of him eating most of the nation's food.
Honorary degree from Trump University. After accepting this gift, Un will be able to call himself Doctor Dear Respected Comrade Kim Jong Un, Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea, Chairman of the State Affairs Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army. Looks great on letterheads.
A beautiful cake. Something for Un to stuff his little chipmunk cheeks with. He'll like that.
Ambien. For when the young tyrant can’t fall asleep after killing another set of relatives.
ICBM Secrets for Dummies. North Korea has never hit any target smaller than the Pacific Ocean with one of its missiles. A must read for the Axis o’ Evil engineering corps, unless they want to end up in front of a firing squad.
Hook-up with Stormy Daniels. Has Un ever slept with a white woman? For just $130,000 of the taxpayer’s money, the answer can be “For sure!”
Donald, Jr. Keeps him out of Mueller’s clutches.
Nutrisystem. Just sayin.’
The severed head of James Comey. Finally, a use for those ceremonial daggers Obama left in the White House kitchen drawer.
But the leading gift choice as of this writing is: A souvenir t-shirt reading “I Went to Singapore For a Nobel Peace Prize and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt.”
They can give it to each other.
Trump has a much broader range of gift options, but his advisors have narrowed it down to ten generous choices, one of which will be selected by the President himself. In no particular order, the candidates are:
A New York taxi medallion from Michael Cohen’s collection. Careers change, and many a high-ranking foreign dignitary has ended up driving cab in the Big Apple. Kim won’t have to miss a beat if he has to flee into exile because North Koreans finally tire of him eating most of the nation's food.
Honorary degree from Trump University. After accepting this gift, Un will be able to call himself Doctor Dear Respected Comrade Kim Jong Un, Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea, Chairman of the State Affairs Commission of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army. Looks great on letterheads.
A beautiful cake. Something for Un to stuff his little chipmunk cheeks with. He'll like that.
Ambien. For when the young tyrant can’t fall asleep after killing another set of relatives.
ICBM Secrets for Dummies. North Korea has never hit any target smaller than the Pacific Ocean with one of its missiles. A must read for the Axis o’ Evil engineering corps, unless they want to end up in front of a firing squad.
Hook-up with Stormy Daniels. Has Un ever slept with a white woman? For just $130,000 of the taxpayer’s money, the answer can be “For sure!”
Donald, Jr. Keeps him out of Mueller’s clutches.
Nutrisystem. Just sayin.’
The severed head of James Comey. Finally, a use for those ceremonial daggers Obama left in the White House kitchen drawer.
But the leading gift choice as of this writing is: A souvenir t-shirt reading “I Went to Singapore For a Nobel Peace Prize and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt.”
They can give it to each other.
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