I was trying to sleep the other night after watching the Wizard of Oz for about the thirtieth time. There's a movie that never gets old. Being a little under the weather, I had drank most of a bottle of cough syrup to wash down an Ambien. But instead of sleep-driving over to the nearest 24-hour taco shop for a dozen rolled tacos with guacamole, I had the wildest dream. Dorothy and her companions were hoofing it through "We're Off to See the Wizard," but the lyrics had been oddly transformed. Here's what I heard:
We’re off to vote for Donald.
The wonderful Donald because
If ever, if ever a boss there was
The Donald is one because, because because
Because of the wonderful Tweets he does,
We’re off to vote for Donald, the wonderful Donald the boss!
He likes to call folks losers,
And lowlifes and disgusting, too
Rapists and sleazebags and zeroes
And menstruating bitches, true
But he’ll knock the Muslims right outta their shoes,
Get in line to vote for Donald, because he’s wonderful Donald the Boss!
He’s really rich and famous,
Because his dad left him tons of cheese!
He’ll make America great again,
By getting Mexico down on its knees!
His good management fixes the Middle East,
So cast your vote for Donald, because he’s wonderful Donald the Boss!
You might not have noticed lately,
But the country’s quite a dump,
And we’ve found something else to cling to
It’s guns and religion and Trump!
We’ve got bullets to fire and Bibles to thump!
We’ve got to replace that Kenyan, and we’re gonna do it with Trump!
America’s always losing,
But it won’t happen anymore
Once we’ve got the dude of our choosing
We’re going to win every war!
When Putin’s our buddy and Merkel’s our whore
Our bullying goes global, under wonderful Donald the Boss!
So all of you quit your whining,
And feeling low and mean
Everything’s going to be shining,
Come January 2017
It’s like you hit Powerball, or a liquor store!
So punch that chad for Donald! Nobody loves you like your Boss!
We’re off to vote for Donald.
The wonderful Donald because
If ever, if ever a boss there was
The Donald is one because, because because
Because of the wonderful Tweets he does,
We’re off to vote for Donald, the wonderful Donald the boss!
He likes to call folks losers,
And lowlifes and disgusting, too
Rapists and sleazebags and zeroes
And menstruating bitches, true
But he’ll knock the Muslims right outta their shoes,
Get in line to vote for Donald, because he’s wonderful Donald the Boss!
He’s really rich and famous,
Because his dad left him tons of cheese!
He’ll make America great again,
By getting Mexico down on its knees!
His good management fixes the Middle East,
So cast your vote for Donald, because he’s wonderful Donald the Boss!
You might not have noticed lately,
But the country’s quite a dump,
And we’ve found something else to cling to
It’s guns and religion and Trump!
We’ve got bullets to fire and Bibles to thump!
We’ve got to replace that Kenyan, and we’re gonna do it with Trump!
America’s always losing,
But it won’t happen anymore
Once we’ve got the dude of our choosing
We’re going to win every war!
When Putin’s our buddy and Merkel’s our whore
Our bullying goes global, under wonderful Donald the Boss!
So all of you quit your whining,
And feeling low and mean
Everything’s going to be shining,
Come January 2017
It’s like you hit Powerball, or a liquor store!
So punch that chad for Donald! Nobody loves you like your Boss!
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