A group of people in Iceland are building the first Norse temple there in over a thousand years. This monument to Odin, Frigga and Thor will be used for weddings, funerals and the Norse equivalent of bar mitzvahs.
This is a frank acknowledgement, in my opinion, that Christianity has not worked out for the former Vikings. In the days of the Norse gods they were the scourge of the western world, feared by mewling peasants from Kiev to Killarny. Now, instead of being cheerful bloodthirsty pirates, they are a bunch of socialists with the nicest fjords and the safest cars in the world. It's no wonder they looked around one morning and said "Screw all this, by the hammer of Thor. How did we end up stuck here freezing by a bunch of glaciers? Let's build a temple. And then a couple long ships when nobody's looking."
Yes, this temple can only mean the return of Vikingism, in a world much changed from the high point of this cult in the 900's. Not only will they resume raiding Ireland and England every summer, but Long Island and New Jersey as well. With only a few hormonal teenage lifeguards to oppose them, they'll hit American beaches every year, swarming ashore with broadswords and long axes like a human Hurricane Sandy. And, unlike natural disasters, politicians won't just be able to stand around in raincoats telling everybody to stay inside to combat the Viking menace. They'll have to be fought hand-to-hand on the bays and boardwalks. It'll be almost worth enduring the mayhem to see if they make leather skirts in Chris Christie's size.
On the bright side, no one will get excited about being forced to live under Sharia law anymore, because Sharia law is a walk in the park, and I mean a walk in the park with flowers and donuts, compared to Viking law, which is basically "Hold still while I pillage ya!" Apologists for Islam continually point out that most Muslims are peaceful people, and they are probably right. No one ever said that about Vikings.
If the Vikings win out, we will have to make all sorts of cultural adjustments. The story that inspired this warning contained a link to this article, which basically says that Viking culture valued penis size and hardness above all other virtues. In other words, they lived in a society organized on the same principles as the American porn industry. "So what?" you say. "It's not like big dicks don't run everything around here already." Yes, that's true, but at least they have job security. In the Viking world, even if you were king, all you had to do was wake one day and discover your pipe was a little rusty, if you know what I mean, and you were sent out to pick fleas off the sheep while a sturdier guy took your place on the throne.
This would apply to all levels of society. A cursory survey of the locker room would be all that was necessary to determine who was captain of the football team. The judge with the heaviest gavel would be Chief Justice. Say Bill Gates has too many chocolate milks to satisfy Mrs. Gates one night. All of a sudden Microsoft is being run by a guy named Rangmar, who basically lives to install his "updates" in your wife.
We're talking the return of the Dark Ages, otherwise known as Viking 2.0. I say we need to buy that temple and turn it into something nice and modern, a bar-b-q joint, or a handball court, or anything to keep Icelanders from yodeling for Odin in it. For a thousand years these descendents of the mighty Norse have been shivering in the dark with nothing to do but eat lichens and give their kids funny names.
Let's keep it that way.
This is a frank acknowledgement, in my opinion, that Christianity has not worked out for the former Vikings. In the days of the Norse gods they were the scourge of the western world, feared by mewling peasants from Kiev to Killarny. Now, instead of being cheerful bloodthirsty pirates, they are a bunch of socialists with the nicest fjords and the safest cars in the world. It's no wonder they looked around one morning and said "Screw all this, by the hammer of Thor. How did we end up stuck here freezing by a bunch of glaciers? Let's build a temple. And then a couple long ships when nobody's looking."
Yes, this temple can only mean the return of Vikingism, in a world much changed from the high point of this cult in the 900's. Not only will they resume raiding Ireland and England every summer, but Long Island and New Jersey as well. With only a few hormonal teenage lifeguards to oppose them, they'll hit American beaches every year, swarming ashore with broadswords and long axes like a human Hurricane Sandy. And, unlike natural disasters, politicians won't just be able to stand around in raincoats telling everybody to stay inside to combat the Viking menace. They'll have to be fought hand-to-hand on the bays and boardwalks. It'll be almost worth enduring the mayhem to see if they make leather skirts in Chris Christie's size.
On the bright side, no one will get excited about being forced to live under Sharia law anymore, because Sharia law is a walk in the park, and I mean a walk in the park with flowers and donuts, compared to Viking law, which is basically "Hold still while I pillage ya!" Apologists for Islam continually point out that most Muslims are peaceful people, and they are probably right. No one ever said that about Vikings.
If the Vikings win out, we will have to make all sorts of cultural adjustments. The story that inspired this warning contained a link to this article, which basically says that Viking culture valued penis size and hardness above all other virtues. In other words, they lived in a society organized on the same principles as the American porn industry. "So what?" you say. "It's not like big dicks don't run everything around here already." Yes, that's true, but at least they have job security. In the Viking world, even if you were king, all you had to do was wake one day and discover your pipe was a little rusty, if you know what I mean, and you were sent out to pick fleas off the sheep while a sturdier guy took your place on the throne.
This would apply to all levels of society. A cursory survey of the locker room would be all that was necessary to determine who was captain of the football team. The judge with the heaviest gavel would be Chief Justice. Say Bill Gates has too many chocolate milks to satisfy Mrs. Gates one night. All of a sudden Microsoft is being run by a guy named Rangmar, who basically lives to install his "updates" in your wife.
We're talking the return of the Dark Ages, otherwise known as Viking 2.0. I say we need to buy that temple and turn it into something nice and modern, a bar-b-q joint, or a handball court, or anything to keep Icelanders from yodeling for Odin in it. For a thousand years these descendents of the mighty Norse have been shivering in the dark with nothing to do but eat lichens and give their kids funny names.
Let's keep it that way.
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